Filling hangover fixes
In the spirit of St Patrick’s Day, it would seem to be appropriate to prepare students on how to best cope with their post-Ezra hangovers via greasy and filling fast food.
All things considered — i.e. the whole suspended classes, social isolation thing — condoning large gatherings isn’t exactly a morally, ethically, or hygienically sound idea.
That’s why this article is more of a general recommendation if you do find yourself in need of a hangover fix somewhere down the line.
When we, as a society, are far past the social-isolation stage and day-drinking on a Tuesday in the middle of the street is no longer a public health threat, then feel free to take this article and use it to your benefit. Although let’s be real, when has the Ezra street party ever not been a public health threat?
If we’re being honest here, McDonald’s food is a good party meal at any stage of the night — pre, during and post-party included. The chances that you’re going to find yourself at a McDonald’s at some stage of your binge-drinking escapade are pretty high, which is why I implore you to consider the upsides to the McDonald’s breakfast menu. It’s filled with items such as hotcakes, egg McMuffins and all the grease that your heart could feasibly handle.
Although much to popular belief, most doctors actually recommend avoiding greasy food as a hangover cure but if you’re at McDonald’s you’re probably not listening to your doctor’s recommendations anyway, so go for it.
This restaurant is a classic choice, no matter the occasion. Whether you’re here because your parents are picking you up for the weekend and you want to enjoy a nice meal before hitting the road, or because you took 11 shots last night and subsequently lost your ID and debit card, the menu probably has something for you.
Their all-day breakfast menu comes in handy here when you consider that you’re probably not waking up early, bright eyed and bushy tailed on the morning of a hangover.
Seven Shores Community Cafe
For my health-conscious friends who actually want to quell their hangover (and not simply add fire to the metaphorical flame) this local cafe is a safe choice.
You can order pancakes, breakfast burritos and omelettes for a fair price, all while drinking their in-house fair-trade coffee and pretending you didn’t just black out and probably disgrace all of your relatives and even your ancestors the night before.
They also serve oatmeal, which is a good hangover food since it contains lots of nutrients that your body may be depleted of, thanks to all those jager-bombs you had 12 hours ago.
All sarcasm aside, your first stop on the morning of a brain-splitting hangover should probably be to 7/11 where you can pick up gatorade, popsicles and other items that are actually going to soothe, replenish and rehydrate you.
But if that doesn’t work, there are slushie machines, freshly warmed taquitos and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for, like, $7.99 all lined up on the displays for you as a last resort.