Sex toys of the future have arrived

They call it the Womanizer.

Travis Machado, a sales representative at the Love Shop in Waterloo, reached for the highest shelf behind the counter, presenting a sex toy unlike anything I’ve seen before. The shape was akin to an otoscope — the light a doctor uses to look in your ear — but was rather bloated and featured a silicone tipped hole, barely a centimeter in diameter.

“It’s the one toy that guarantees orgasm every single time with women in 60 seconds or less,” said Machado. “They put the guarantee on the toy.”

The Womanizer creates an air-seal around the clitoris and stimulates by sucking in and out. Machado described it as “touch-less technology.”

To call the Womanizer a fad would do it a disservice. The toy is in fact so popular, they’ve teamed up with Swarovski to bedazzle the beloved toy.

Although the Womanizer is evidently revolutionary, it is limited to pleasuring just one person at a time.

And this is just one sex toy that can be recognized during the “season of love.” For couples, Machado pointed to the We Vibe 4 Plus as the ultimate solution. Machado snatched the clamp-like, silicone-laden device from the middle shelf and began to show off the toy’s malleability and versatility.

“They can insert the one end into the vagina, the other side sits outside against the clit, both sides vibrate simultaneously,” said Machado.

“It’s a couples toy because the male partner can take his penis and slide it underneath while they’re having sex.”

Machado went on to share that the 4 Plus could also be used for anal stimulation or worn across the throat. It appeared the possibilities were endless, but what truly made this a sex toy of the future was its Bluetooth functionality, remote and smartphone application.

Users can download the We Vibe app on their smartphone and control the toys strength patterns from anywhere in the world. The app also has a built-in video chat functionality, taking phone sex to a whole other level.

Machado also showed off toys that were sound responsive and so advanced they could respond accurately to music “as complicated as Skrillex.”

But why would anyone want or need a sex toy this technologically advanced? In the words of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau: “because it’s 2016.”

Year after year, smartphones become faster, stronger and more integrated into our lives — the same could be said about sex toys. Just a few years ago, the thought of an app-enabled vibrator wasn’t feasible, but advancements in technology have proven that a smarter and more integrated sex toy experience is both possible and more satisfying.

Looking towards male pleasure, Machado sticks by Fleshlight, the brand that made “pocket-pussies” mainstream.

“They’re the best of the best mainly because they’ve patented a lot of stuff,” said Machado.

For the uninformed, Fleshlight and other brands create artificial vagina sex toys, which emulate the feeling of vaginal sex for its users. The toys are normally made from silicone, feature ribbed or bumpy linings and some are designed and molded to mimic the look of famous porn stars’ vaginas.

Admittedly, I was a little disappointed at first. It seemed the tech for male toys had yet to reach the height of sophistication of toys like the Womanizer or We Vibe. That is, until Machado presented the Autoblow 2. Through use of “motion-beads” and internal springs, the Autoblow will clench to the user’s organ and “suck your dick for you.” But Machado insisted men are still yearning for better toys.

“They’ve been working on internal stuff for guys like prostate stimulation, but that only goes so far because it’s still technically taboo,” said Machado.

Although Machado has been working in sex shops for just under two years, he has taken a great interest in sex since a young age. Looking back, he insisted that the biggest improvement in the sex toy industry has been in the quality of materials.

“In the 70s, they actually had toys that had phthalates in them, which is a carcinogen. It’s not good for your body at all,” said Machado.

Looking to modern and safe materials, he recommended silicone, polyvinyl chloride and even glass. In fact, Machado insisted glass is the safest, as it isn’t porous and can be easily disinfected to avoid transmitting any infection or disease.

As sex toys continue to advance, people fear the extinction of intimacy. Machado mentioned a radio program he heard a few years ago, which spoke about the potential of “sex-slave robots” becoming the standard of pleasure by 2055. Despite realistic human dolls and advancements in artificial intelligence, Machado doesn’t think anything will ever compare to the real thing.

“Sex toys give you a sense of relief, where intimacy gives you that sense of connection, it doesn’t even compare,” said Machado.

As well, sex toys will and should be seen as a valuable stepping stone towards intimacy, or as a means to create more diverse and exciting intimate experiences.

“If somebody is uncomfortable with interacting with people, they can still experience that self-relief, that gratification of just releasing,” said Machado. “If you can find a way to be more comfortable with your body … you find out what you like, then you can teach someone else what you like.”