Dec. 9, 2009

Dear Life:
Harvey’s needs to get their shit together. I waited 20 minutes for my order. I know your life sucks because it’s exam period and you’re working your stupid job, but frig off with your shit. Everyone else’s life sucks too, and we ALSO have exams. You just get paid.
Sincerely,
I’m Failing And My Fries Are Cold

Dear Life,
This campus is too small for so many students.
Sincerely,
There Are No Study Spaces

Dear Life,
Why can’t I sleep during normal hours?
Sincerely,
8 a.m. Is Not A Normal Time To Go To Bed

Dear Life,
In response to the business student in the last issue, I’d just like to say this: alright, that’s fine. Now why don’t YOU try to decipher old English, read Chaucer`s entire Canterbury Tales (and actually KNOW what it means), or maybe try playing a Rachmoninov concerto. Maybe you’d have fun spending hours and hours writing a ten page essay on religious images and their impact on cultures. Oh, I’m sorry … that’s not ACTUAL work.
Sincerely,
Your Comments Sum Up Why People Hate Business Kids

Dear Cocky Business Student,
Way to prove the stereotype of your department is true! All that business students care about is money and wealth, us Kin Kids actually want to make our society better. When your sibling is in a car accident and needs rehabilitation and your mother has cancer and you are on your death bed you’ll finally learn the importance of us kin kids.
Sincerely,
Your Future Life Saver

Dear Life:
I’ve never understood why students brag about poor marks they’ve achieved with minimal effort. You have to earn the right to brag; everyone’s churned out an acceptable paper the night before. What separates us is how much effort we’re willing to commit to a given task. Don’t get stoked until you turn your sketch 65 into a legit 95.
Sincerely,
Your Mother

Dear Life,
Why are business students so disliked on campus? Oh, I remember, it’s always one student who ruins it for everyone else by writing a dear life column as one did prior to break. Congratulations, you know you want to do combined tax problems the rest of your life. You can take your elitist attitude back to wherever you came from, because anyone can read a textbook and learn how to do accounting problems or learn about human resources. Clearly, someone has yet to teach you how to THINK. Reread your comment. That’s why they “hate on” business students.
Sincerely,
Maybe Combined Tax Problems Aren’t Your Thing? Try Poetry?

Dear Life,
Why must a certain business student think that they can complain about being looked down on at this school by other students when they are writing rude and cocky remarks in the newspaper that only supports the reputation.
Sincerely,
You Don’t Need the Map Library for Combined Tax Problems

Dear Life,
Why can’t I find a guy who just wants to cuddle?
Sincerely,
I Don’t ALWAYS Want Sex

Dear Life,
The reason every other faculty hates on buisness students is you think the math you learn it harder then that of math students and your HR is more difficult than arts students social theory. Its sad so many Laurier students are like that. Yes, many of us in other faculties may work for you one day, but if it wasn’t for us you wouldn’t have anyone buying YOUR marketed products or paying YOU to do our taxes.
Sincerely, Someone Who Learned Something at WLU

Dear Life,
How is it that people can cram the night before and still beat me on the test even though I studied for two weeks?! Jeez, university sucks.
Sincerely,
Dumb People Survive Off Dumb Luck

Dear Life:
Business students have invaded everything from the library to the map room, and when those close, they return to their homes to keep their roommates awake late into the night while they loudly collaborate on their “intense” projects. Just an FYI, business kids, you’re not the only major with a shit-load of work that gets you into a “real” career – we’re all in the same boat. So have some courtesy and work a little quieter if you’re going to stay up until four doing stats every night.
Sincerely,
I’d Like To Sleep Before Sunrise

Dear Life,
How about you don’t give me a forever-career-student to mark my papers, with a zest for caffeine and late nights, and not so much for actually reading my paper before they mark it.
Because writing like a juvenile, and listing everything blatantly without a sense of creativity is not my style. Does it kill to read a paper that doesn’t spoon feed you? Next time, try covering the title of my paper before you start, and you’ll probably have a clue then. At least you can start there.
Sincerely,
Oh Right, Yes, This Is English

Dear Life:
Why can’t business students just “pull the stick out”? Why do they pathetically and needlessly whine about work all the time? Are they in science labs at 11 at night? Are they writing papers at 3am? Are they studying ways to make the world better? No, they are learning how to make money for their own selfish needs. When the business students are 40, alone with no family and friends but have a great salary, think they’re gonna look back and think “maybe I shouldn’t have been such an asshole in university and I wouldn’t be miserable now?”
Sincerely,
It’s Not the Arts/Science Students Who Put the World in a Recession

Dear Life:
Why are business students so pretentious? As a science student, it’d be nice to see a business student have classes on friday or have 30 hours of class a week. I’d also like to see them write weekly 20 page lab reports (damn you analytical chemistry). The workload of a business student pales in comparison. But you know what? At least I have a soul – the ultimate goal of modern science is to further humankind, while that of business is to make a quick buck.
Sincerely,
Why Don’t YOU Try Solving 3-D Quantum Mechanical Problems?

Dear Life,
To the self-important biz kid in the last issue’s ‘Dear Life’ – first of all, arts students make up a majority of this school, not you. And thinking that we’ll be working for you one day? Good luck finding even an internship in this economy. Keep yourselves confined to your little atrium, please.
Also, you all look like gigantic tools when you dress up in skirts and ties.
Sincerely,
Have Fun Living In A Cubicle For The Rest Of Your Life

Dear Life:
Why are business students so annoying? It’s not my fault that they’re too ignorant to know that the faculty of arts is the largest faculty. It’s not our fault that business students can’t read, and take up space in other study areas. It’s not our fault that we choose to do what we want, not what’s expected of us. Even if we do end up working for you, we will still be the majority, so you might want to reconsider your high opinions of your future workers before you start hiring. A basic rule of business: a business cannot function without employees.
Sincerely,
Why Don’t YOU try writing a 20 page essay on Immanuel Kant?

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