March 16, 2001

Dear Life,

Thanks for the threesome last weekend!

Sincerely,
High 5-ing Jesus

Dear Life,

So I put my friend’s ugly jacket into a big blue trash bucket outside of wilf because she totally needs to buy a new one it’s like a million years old seriously … but anyways suddenly it turned up clean and smelling good at Wilf’s! did someone seriously pull the jacket out of the garbage with gross garbage juice all over it, carry it home smelling gross and dripping with garbage juice, wash it and then return it to Wilf’s? is there really a good person out there who would go to all that trouble for some unkown stranger? I had stopped believing in people; my faith in people has returned a little. Thank you jacket rescuing crime fighting masked hero! You’ve made a difference in my life!

Love,
XOXOXOXOXO

Dear Life,

To anyone that feels the need to “shush” people in the library because someone is whispering for less than a minute you can go fuck yourself.
Actually if noise bothers you that much invest in some ear plugs /
headphones.

Sincerely,
Fuck Right Off

Dear Life,

A few weeks before reading week, you were good to me and helped me make a librarian realize that there should be a sign for “no cell phone zone” on the 7th floor of the library because it is a study floor.
What do you do when I get back from reading week? I go to the 7th floor, and there’s a sign that says “cell phone zone.”

Sincerely,
You Missed the Point

Dear Life,

To that sociology student that likes to complain about business students flooding into the lecture hall before you even get out, you realize this happens in every first year class and that there are not enough seats in that room for all the students who go to that class, so just suck it up buttercup.

Sincerely,
Fed up business student

Dear life,

Why did you make me think it was a good idea to give that cute convenience store boy my number.

Sincerely,
Need To Find A New 7/11

Dear Life,

Why is it that the library has turned into some sort of hangout space? People come to the library to get work done, but that is kind of impossible when there are groups of people sharing life stories on the 6th floor.
If I wanted to hear who you partied with on saturday night, I would ask. So please, as exams get closer and I reach temporary insanity, keep it down and do your work.

Sincerely,
I’m Sure Your GPA Needs Boosting

Dear Life,

My roommate’s microwave is broken, and attempts to cook things when the door is open.
Her boyfriend repeatedly sticks his hand in the microwave, apparently ignorant of the fact that he is cooking himself.
He is either extremely stupid, or he has run out of ways to avoid his equally stupid girlfriend (my roommate) and has resorted to attempted suicide.

Sincerely,
Wishing There Was An IQ Test, Where People Who Score Less Than 35 Can’t Get In To Residence

Dear Life,

To that guy that is always walking around near the science building in shorts even when it’s freezing cold and snowing outside. You always make me LOL every time I see you.

Sincerely,
I hope You Never Find Pants

Dear Life,

Hey The Cord! Did you even know that both our Laurier Women’s and Men’s Curling teams are in Newfoundland competing in the 2011 CIS/CCA University Curling Championships. 4 pages of sports 2 weeks ago and and 2 last week and not even a mention. Rude.

Sincerely,
Respect All University Athletes

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