Jan. 19, 2011

Dear Life,

I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school, I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.

Sincerely,
I Don’t Even Go Here

Dear Life,

Whoever says that the Laurier campus is small enough to get from point A to point B in five minutes or less in between classes should maybe try walking from the third floor of the science building all the way to St. Michaels.

Sincerely,
10 Minutes in Between Classes is Definitely Not Long Enough, Unless You’re Driving There!

Dear Life,

There is absolutely no point in arguing semantics. It is a useless waste of time and energy. I feel sorry for those who are genuinely frustrated by it and would hate to see how they would react in more serious situations.

Sincerely,
Insert Anonymous and Totally Insincere Remark Here

Dear Life,

I purposely walk over the Hawk to watch the reactions on the faces of the people around me. Hahahaha!

Sincerely,
I Move for Nothing . . . Except Maybe Wheelchairs

Dear Life,

What is up with girls at Laurier wearing flats in the winter?? It’s -15 degrees outside and you’re parading around with tiny shoes and no socks! Is this a new fad or you seriously can’t afford to buy winter boots? I can’t imagine how cold you must be especially with all the snow on the ground!

Sincerely,
Owner of Cheap Boots From Wal-Mart

Dear Life,

I know you like to throw some curves at me just to keep me on my toes, but did you REALLY have to make there be a super cute guy at the bus stop tonight? I mean, I had JUST finished at the gym and I’m wearing disgusting sweated through clothes and probably smell a little bit. Not to mention I was jacked on adrenaline, so I was bobbing my head to way too loud music, while wearing bright white gym sneakers. Hot. And then you made the bus 20 minutes late, which gave him even more time to look me over and assess my insanity. Thanks.

Dear cute boy with the swooshy hair. Don’t think I can’t see you looking at me under your swoopy hair, I see you. I’m not crazy. Let’s get coffee.

Sincerely,
Face-Palm

Dear Life,

I didn’t know that by coming to Laurier I would be among the biggest group of fucking complainers. Be happy that you’re at school and you have the opportunity to be here. Stop bitching about every single fucking thing that comes to mind.

Signed,
I Think A Transfer is Necessary To Get Away From All the Negative Nancys – I Mean Golden Hawks

Dear Life,

Why do people find it necessary to watch television shows on their computer in public areas without headphones?!?!?! It’s really annoying to have to listen to laugh tracks and poor writing when trying to read or meet with friends.

If mummy and daddy can afford to buy you a blackberry you can’t put down and a macbook, they can afford a six dollar pair of headphones.

Sincerely,
Think About Someone OTHER Than Yourself

Dear Life,

The Winter Carnival scavenger hunt, “CarnEvil,” is a cute play on words, but the scavenger hunt items aren’t as endearing. Pentagrams, spell books and voodoo dolls aren’t evil. They are used to give good fortune.

Yes, even voodoo, do your research. Not only are these things misunderstood due to outrageous and archaic bias, but they’re parts of serious beliefs and faiths. Haven’t Pagans suffered enough already? I thought we were past such medieval ideas.

Sincerely,
Mildly Offended

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