Dec. 2, 2009

Dear Life:
Why does every other faculty hate on business students all the time? It’s not our fault if we make up the majority of the school. It’s not our fault that we use up space because we actually do work. It’s not our fault if we know what we want to do with our lives. But you know? It’s alright, it’s okay. You’re going to work for US someday.
Sincerely,
Why Don’t YOU Try Calculating Combined Tax Problems?

Dear Life:
So I saw Bacchus at the IRC formal and they were giving out condoms. I took one ‘cause with a face like this why wouldn’t I? Anyways two weeks later (still not used…) I’m having lunch with my mother and she asks if I have a full stamp card at Marble Slab.  Thanks to my own stupidity I gave her my wallet to look through to see if I had one as I was paying… We both saw it. If I get a “safe sex” book in my Christmas stocking I’m moving out.
Sincerely,
Condoms are not Collectables, Use that Shit Real Quick.

Dear Life:
Thank you for my severely awesome writing skills that are able to get me a 65 on an essay that I put zero effort into, only used two out of the five sources the prof required, and was two pages short of what was asked.
Sincerely,
Voldemort

Dear Life:
Why do you insist on teasing me with Christmas carols and giving me a false hope that we are nearing Christmas break when 1. Exams haven’t even started and 2. There is no bloody snow! I thought we were in the snow belt!
Sincerely,
‘Tis the Season to be Jolly… Not!

Dear Life:
Why is it that girls feel the need to publish their life problems in their Facebook statuses/MSN names? These Negative Nancys and Sad Sallys might as well put “I am looking for pity and attention, please feel sorry for me” instead of writing about how much they hate their university boyfriend that they didn’t think would cheat on them or about failing another mid-term leading to another drunken night trying to pickup at the Turret where the girl-to-guy ratio is 25:1. Looking for pity does not make people pity you, it just makes people want to punch you in the face or kick you in the Ugg boot.
Sincerley,
Waaa, Waaa, Waaa

Dear Life:
Why do the employees at the Pita Shack on campus suck? Moping around like it is the worst day of their life – everyday. And really, learn how to roll pitas. I’m sick of getting tomatoes and cucumbers and sauces all over me. Sincerely, Give Your Employees a Tutorial on Pita Rolling.

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