Dear life: October 24, 2012

Dear Life,

I think I will dress up as our Athletic Director for Halloween. I’m sure I will be able to scare some baseball and volleyball players around campus.

Sincerely,

Not impressed with athletics on campus

 

Dear Life,

I wish the old Dining Hall salad bar was back, the new one sucks with only half the options as before. I thought the dining hall changed so we have more healthy options, instead there are more gluten filled options.

Sincerely,

I will take my money elsewhere

 

Dear Focus,

Why did you leave me? It’s been too long since I’ve spent the night with you, and I really need you right now.

Sincerely,

Can’t get through midterm season without you

 

Dear Taco Bell Lover,

Thought you should know, Taco Bell was never meant to be eaten after it has come out of your ass…that’s probably why it tastes so bad.

It’s called excrement for a reason. But I guess, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Or then again, maybe not.

Sincerely,

Your Syntax Admirer

 

Dear Life,

If you want to improve the mental health of students don’t schedule back to back to back exams for core courses. Oh wait, you actually don’t care.

Sincerely,

Smile for the Camera!

 

Dear Life,

I have begun to realize that after dark, campus turns into a first year’s haven. In which they may speak loudly about the heavy flow they’re getting while on their period (TMI), the result’s of their chemistry lab, how to print from the hub, and play ‘who would you do’ prof edition,

Sincerely,

Night Owl

 

Dear Life,

What is going on with the Tim Horton’s in the science building?! No egg salad, a limited supply of bagels, and no soup variety.

Sincerely,

Not worth the 20 minute wait

 

Dear Life,

An ode to lover boy. I watch you sip that arizona and wish that I were that can so I could touch your soft supple lips. The grace you nod your head with in class cannot be matched, your adorable ugly sweaters, hair that can’t bounce because it’s too greasy, and the way you walk (which is way too fast, can hardly follow you effectively) are divine as can be. I shout on the inside but the words can somehow never reach my mouth, why, oh why must you be to irresistibly attractive. Why oh why must you be so intelligent, witty, and amazing.

Sincerely,

Me love you long time

 

Dear Editor-in-Chief,

Nice shoes, let’s fuck.

Sincerely,

Is that too forward?

 

Dear the bosses boss,

I don’t need your inside info – I just want inside.

Sincerely,

Sorry not sorry

 

Dear Frequent Starers,

You really need to cut it out… I mean, I can’t really help it that my voice is so loud and obnoxious. Especially when you give dirty looks… if you want a silent area go find a designated one, not gonna happen in 2-4.

Sincerely,

You Love My Stories Anyway

 

Dear Life,

Stop picking up guys at Phil’s. Even if they say they’re not trying to get in your pants, their 2:00am text messages beg to differ.

Sincerely,

Wheeling at the library

 

Dear Life,

Remember to put everything into perspective, whether it be the good or the bad, understand its importance in life by placing it properly into perspective.

Sincerely,

Don’t sweat the small stuff

 

Dear First Years Looking at Houses,

Domus screwed me out of over 100 dollars last year by exploiting a legal loophole. They were exceptionally lazy about repairs in spite of my numerous maintenance requests and they let the kitchen sink leak for four months before repairing it properly. Even after hiring a new maintenance manager, they refused to acknowledge the presence of mould or even bring in a mould inspector even though the kitchen stunk of mould and you could even SEE IT in the sink cabinet. In case you don’t see my point, stay the hell away from them.

Sincerely,

Good luck to the new tenants of my old house.

 

Dear Life,

The next time you want to go out on a Saturday night, at least make it classy.

Sincerely,

This is why WLU has a terrible reputation.

 

Dear Life,

Please tell the d-bag in the business building comp lab to take his phone off ‘radio’ setting or put some headphones in. I don’t need to hear your dumbass friends talking via your cell in a place that is meant for studying. How many dirty looks do I have to throw your way before you take a hint? Also, tell your friends the reason the door locks/their OneCards can’t open the door into here is because they are ARTS students, and don’t PAY the PrismResources fees exclusive to SBE students to gain access to our labs. This is a place to STUDY, not play games or listen to people over the radio. Take a hike.

Sincerely,

Someone In A Serious Program

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