It’s the holiday that invites us all to be either creative, hilarious, sexy, ironic or all of the above. Halloween is an open invitation to dress as you please and can ignite some, ahem, “interesting” costume pieces. Not all Laurier students will get it right this year, but in order to avoid being obvious, embarrassing or downright lazy, here are five terrible costume ideas.
5. Generic Athlete
This is just too easy. It’s not enough to throw a basketball jersey on and call yourself a “basketball player.”
Also, don’t think you’re more dedicated because you’re carrying around a hockey stick or baseball bat. Not only is it a lame costume, but now you have to babysit a baseball bat the entire night.
“Hey, have you seen my bat?”
“Yeah, those drunk guys are using it to get dizzy and then race down the street.”
If you are insistent about being an athlete, go for something out of the box.
Perhaps a bobsledder, or one of those people in the Olympics who dances with a hula-hoop (I don’t know their official names, but neither do you).
4. Anything with a mask
Yikes, how ugly can you really be?
Wearing a mask on Halloween tells people that you’re either embarrassingly unattractive, or that you are going to mug someone tonight. None of which are warm first impressions.
What is this, 2003? You realize we have moved past the stage of actually trying to scare people with our creative costumes.
Halloween has gracefully transitioned from a spooky monster festivity to a popular culture celebration.
I’d rather you take off the Scream mask that bleeds when you pump a tube, and start applying the spray tan or spiking your hair to become one of the cast members of Jersey Shore (unless you dress like that everyday, in that case 70 per cent of you are not open to this option).
3. “Baby”
This lazy costume isn’t as popular as it once was, however, it still deserves a warning at number three.
Maybe you think your pajamas are too cute to only be exposed at night, or maybe you adore the idea of getting out of bed and not having to get dressed for the day.
The dilemma is that babies do not wear pajamas nor carry around a pillow, they wear diapers, hold blankets and make funny noises.
From an objective standpoint, you are not a baby, you are a toddler. I get it though, who wants to tell people they’re a toddler for Halloween? No one.
We already have to convince people that our normal behaviour isn’t childish.
Just know in the back of your mind that having a pacifier in your mouth doesn’t correspond with your pigtails, slippers and teddy bear.
2. Nudist on strike
Ha! You are the funniest person in school, potentially in the world. Oh wait, you’re not.
This expired joke isn’t going to be a free pass towards not dressing up this year.
Realistically, this costume idea should be titled ‘a fun-person on strike’. Halloween is the one night of the year where you can be anyone you want!
From Frankenstein to Sailor-moon, the options are endless. There is absolutely no excuse for not dressing up.
Two types of people don’t dress up on Halloween: those who are incredibly insecure, and non-conformists who believe Halloween is a fascist holiday. They could be the same person but I haven’t looked that far into it
1. Slut with animal ears
Unfortunately my favourite costume is number one on the list.
The reason this has to stop is because it’s simply not fair to the girl who dressed up as an astronaut for Halloween.
She’s in a full-body suit, lugging around an oxygen tank while you prance across the room in your underwear with bunny ears on.
Aside from that, the costume may be aesthetically pleasing, but doesn’t really add up.
How about this: point me in the direction of an actual kitten with a 34C cleavage and I’ll give you the green flag for the costume. Until then, the whole idea of a furry animal being “slutty” doesn’t work.
