Dear Life: January 23, 2013

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Dear-Life-doneDear Life is your opportunity to write a letter to your life, allowing you to vent your anger with life’s little frustrations in a completely public forum. 

All submissions to Dear Life are anonymous, should be no longer than 100 words and must be addressed to your life. Submissions can be sent to dearlife@thecord.ca no later than Monday at noon each week.

Dear “Fuck You Fatty,”
You seem to be living in the delusional world where everyone not as gym-educated as you are not entitled to workout in the same gym as you. Real men don’t bitch and moan about things out of their control. Real men work out early, work out late, work out around the peak-times. Real men don’t judge others with different goals and who may be inexperienced. Real men focus on their own workouts, better their own bodies, and acquire aesthetics. Grow up and go to a different gym instead of acting butt hurt towards everyone else. I’ll be that guy hitting new PRs at 6 a.m. every day.
Sincerely,
A Real Man

Dear Life,
To the drunken nights. Getting kicked out of the bar. The random hook up. And the most random winter carnival team, ever.
Sincerely,
Until next year Dub-C

Dear Laurier,
Can we please turn the air conditioning off in N1002? Thanks.
Sincerely,
Seriously?! Get your shit together WLU

Dear “Fuck you Fatty,”
What I find pathetic are people like you who choose to bully others and bring them down. I completely understand you are miserable and sad inside, but there is no reason why you need to bring others down along with you — especially for doing something as innocent as going to the gym and wanting to live a healthier lifestyle. What concern is that of yours, besides the fact that they seem to be taking up your precious space. Get over it. With so many young people today taking their own lives due to bullying, you think you would learn to think before you speak such garbage.
Sincerely,
Get Over Yourself

Dear Passengers of Public Transit Vehicles,
Please refrain from marinating yourselves in puréed cigarettes before embarking.
Sincerely,
I Don’t Want Your Cancer

Dear Life,
Don’t you love finishing Dr. Jewinsky’s sentences?
Sincerely,
Learning to lip read

Dear Life,
Why do people hesitate to talk about real problems? I get it; you laugh, the whole world laughs with you, you cry, you cry alone. But still: if someone were to reach out to me with an issue, I’d help. I wouldn’t keep my distance because they brought me down. Unfortunately, I’ve never had that experience with people; you tell them something intimate, and instead of feeling flattered that you trusted them, they just end up judging you. I notice people actually WANTING friendships that just consist of hanging out and having fun … There’s no intimacy. Am I just having too many expectations from people?
Sincerely,
Girl who wonders whether her perspective is flawed

Dear ”Fuck You Fatty”,
I would consider myself a ”fatty” and I will admit that I have yet to actually go to the gym this year. That said, after reading your enthralling rant, I have been motivated to get out to the gym frequently. I have even printed out your message to remind myself why I go to the gym. I won’t lose weight though, I’ll be sure to eat enough to compensate for the working out so you can stare at my beautiful fat ass taking up your precious time on the treadmill. Thanks for the inspiration! Laurier love! xox
Sincerely,
Fatty McFatass

Dear Life,
Down goes the lever when I see the beaver.
Sincerely,
My dick gets mushy when it’s around the pussy

Dear The Cord,
Your local/national lead reporter is hot.
Sincerely,
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Dear Fuck you Fatty,
Fuck you.
Sincerely,
Fatty

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