Dear Life: Feb. 13

(Graphic by Adele Palmquist).

(Graphic by Adele Palmquist).

Dear Life,
Today the Starbucks line was faster than the Hub line.
Sincerely,
I’d much rather wait for coffee than photocopies

Dear Life,
If I hear the “Gangnam Style” song one more time in the Concourse, I may have to bust a — move and kill myself at the same time.
Sincerely,
The girl who is about to embarrass herself infront of at least 100 people

Dear Life,
I’m starting to believe that PhD actually stand for “Pretty Huge Dick”.
Sincerely,
Your arrogance is not welcomed here

Dear Life,
To the lovely ladies of Laurier: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! It honestly baffles me how some girls are incapable of keeping the toilet seats clean in the washrooms. And even if you are afraid of germs and decide to use the old hover method … at least have the courtesy and respect to the rest of the university to clean up before you leave. Come on ladies, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat, it’s not rocket science here, we all have to use those washrooms!
Sincerely,
Thoroughly Disgusted

Dear Life,
Foonerisms aren’t spunny anymore. Stop using them nad auseum.
Sincerely,
Mob Barley

Dear Life,
My roommate has loud sex on purpose to annoy me. May 1 cannot come soon enough.
Sincerely,
Seriously, grow up

Dear Life,
New rule for the seventh floor of the library: If you are too noisy, other patrons have the right to fart at your desk.
Sincerely,
Shut up or else

Dear Life,
Wanting to give a cheesy shout-out to my super smart and pretty girlfriend. Happy Valentines day Googlie Bear!
Sincerely,
Mike Wazowski

Dear Life,
It’s really difficult to take pictures of dancing lions when everybody is crowding in front of you. Please make the crowd disperse so we might take excellent photos and enjoy coffee and cheesecake together sooner.
Sincerely,
#PhotographerVsCrowd

Dear Life,
I’m sorry, but I automatically think less of you if you’re wearing Uggs. I know it’s winter, but those are just REALLY expensive slippers. Have you no shame?
Sincerely,
Doc Martens FTW

Dear Life,
Do you like scavenger hunts? I hope so. Try this: QE 1A674 v.26 1998 pg. 312.
Sincerely,
Free Starbucks to the winner

Dear Life,
My faith in humanity has been restored as Friday’s snow storm saw dozens upon DOZENS of Waterloo civilians to lend a helping hand! I saw tons of people help push stranded cars along their way, people assisting the elderly and neighbours shovelling each other’s drive ways. Basically, big shout out to everyone!
Sincerely,
Spread love, not snow

Dear Life,
This dude my roommate is bangin’ is ALWAYS over. He’s like some sort of terrible houseguest.
Sincerely,
Like Sinbad

Dear Life,
If a million people do it, it’s not funny anymore. Seriously, you’re not fucking original, or clever, or anything.
Sincerely,
Am I talking about this “Harlem Shake stuff”? Am I?

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