Cord-o-scopes: March 31, 2010

Scorpio (Oct. 22 to Nov. 21): The exam period means you don’t have to get up early every morning for class, so practice pressing that snooze button. Just make sure you remember not to hit it on the morning of your 9:00 a.m. exam.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21): It’s the last week of class and everyone is busy writing and handing in papers. Next time you’re in class, take a look around and enjoy all the new faces you haven’t seen since the first week in January.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19): You are anticipating the start of summer vacation. No more suffering through five classes a week, no more busy weekends with parties, movies and dinners out with friends. Now you can go back home to work 40 hours a week, sit on the couch all weekend and re-learn how to make your bed. Yup, that’s the life.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18): You’ve been up all night deciding on a topic and writing a last-minute essay. You find a list of acceptable topics to choose from in the back of your syllabus. Bet you wish you had been there on day one when the class read through the course outline.

Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20): The summer is going to be hot and dry, perfect weather for lounging by the pool and working on your tan. Too bad you decided to take that boring office job six days a week so that you could make a few extra bucks. That’s okay, pale is the new tan.

Aries (March 21 to April 19): Do you have a fun vacation planned for this summer break? No? I do.

Taurus (April 20 to May 20): Jupiter has fallen into your orbit this month and luck is in the air. Expect a job offer around the seventh. Jimmy from down the street has a real job now and it looks like your grandparents need someone to mow the lawn.

Gemini (May 21 to June 20): The stars are pointing towards a lot of laughter in your life this month. Unfortunately it is coming from those potential employers who don’t think “can drink a whole case of beer” is sufficient to cover “skills” on your resume.

Cancer (June 21 to July 22): This month Pluto is in sight. No really, look there it is… Never mind, just a bit of dirt on the crystal ball.

Leo (July 23 to Aug. 22): You have calculated your marks from the term and figure that so long as you ace every exam, you should be able to pass. Guess that means its time to crack open the books, or at least go buy them.

Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22): You have just received your participation grade for the semester. Turns out that class was supposed to be twice a week.

Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22): You’re only a few exams away from graduation and you couldn’t be happier. Soon all the stress will be gone and all you’ll have to worry about is finding a full time job, your own place to live and paying all those bills. Welcome to the “real” world.

While riding her bike Andrea Millet was bitten by a flying squirrel. However, it wasn’t until she ate a very old bagel that she could predict the future.

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