Cord-o-scopes: Halloween


Scorpio (October 23- November 21) It’s Halloween and you still don’t have a costume. Looks like you’re going to be recycling last year’s costume. Try to change your costume for next year.

Sagittarius (November 22- December 21) You know that couple costume that you and your love had planned together? Well, you’re going to break up tomorrow. You should reconsider your costume choices.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) You had five midterms and four assignments leading up to Halloween weekend. Don’t feel guilty about letting your hair down. You’ve earned it.

Aquarius (January 20- February 18) You are going to go to a haunted house with your crush. You are going to get so scared that you pee your pants and your crush will be grossed out.

Pisces (February 19- March 20) Congratulations,   you are going to win a contest for having the best costume! What are you going to be? I can’t see that far into the future, but you’ll be something cool and original for sure, Pisces.

Aries (March 21- April 19) Make sure that you evenly balance out your consumption of booze and candy this weekend, Aries. Have you ever heard that too much of a good thing can actually make you sick?

Taurus (April 20- May 20) Just because you’re going out for Halloween as Miley Cyrus does not make it socially acceptable for you to twerk on the good-looking guy wearing the Beetle Juice costume.

Gemini (May 21- June 20) You know that barely-there costume you bought a few weeks ago? It won’t fit because you went crazy on your last Halloween candy binge. Work on your self-control!

Cancer (June 21- July 22) It’s not wrong for you to want to go trick-or-treating this year, Cancer. Just know that everyone will be quietly judging you because you are a grown adult asking for candy.

Leo (July 23- August 22) You’re going to have a little too much fun scaring the little kids that frequent your neighbourhood. Just know that there is always that one kid that doesn’t scare easy.

Virgo (August 23- September 22) You don’t always go to Halloween Haunt, but when you do, the monsters, zombies and clowns constantly harass you. This is why you hate Halloween.

Libra (September 23- October 22) Forget Halloween, you already started listening to Christmas tunes. People have judged you, but you are too busy in your jolly snow-filled haze to even notice.

After watching “The Sixth Sense” for the first time ever two weeks ago, Life Editor Alanna Fairey was able to see and predict the future. She had a feeling that Bruce Willis was a ghost the entire time, by the way. Turns out she is a legitimate psychic after all.

Leave a Reply

Serving the Waterloo campus, The Cord seeks to provide students with relevant, up to date stories. We’re always interested in having more volunteer writers, photographers and graphic designers.