Sometimes you’re better off alone
For those of you alone this Valentine’s day, I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you. After interviewing a number of students on campus about their previous V-day experiences, I discovered that perhaps it might be better to spend the day at home with friends, or quite frankly just by yourself.
To preserve current relationships and the dignity of past partners — because some of these stories were pretty harsh — we’ve left the names out of article.
If this day has got you down in the dumps, trust me after reading some of the worst gifts received or worst dates people have been on, this will definitely cheer you up.
Worst gifts received
“My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years, and last Valentine’s Day he got me a small black box. And silly me thinking that it probably contained some sort of jewelry, I opened the box to find a ’luxury‘ condom inside from France. What the hell is a luxury condom?”
–You are not getting it in tonight
“My girlfriend got me a Snuggie…and she showed me the matching one she got as well.”
–I am never going to wear this with you
“My girlfriend got me a back shaver. I was considering giving her one too LOL!”
–You’re going to have to live with what you get
“When I gave my girlfriend chocolate for Valentine’s Day, she looked at me, placed the box down, walked away and came back with her Epipen. I completely forgot she was allergic to chocolate.”
– Please don’t dump me I know I’m a bloody moron
“After I got my girlfriend a coach bag for Valentine’s Day, she gave me my gift which was a coupon for a free hug entitling me to a hug that never expires. Needless to say, I didn’t cash that coupon any time soon.”
–I’m getting you shit for this year’s Valentine’s Day
Worst Dates
“My boyfriend surprised me last year by taking me to the butterfly conservatory in Cambridge. Being the idiot that he is, he thought I loved butterflies when in fact I hate them, so when we arrived I spent the entire time saying I had cramps and felt sick. I ended up having a date with the bathroom that day.”
–I’ve never hated my life so much
“I took my girlfriend to the bowling lanes for Valentine’s Day, and when we were playing she slipped and fell in front of the lane and the ball she was holding flew out of her hand and landed on her face. I spent the next six hours in the hospital waiting for the doctor to fix her broken nose. She never wanted to go there again.”
–Every time I think of this day, I can’t help but laugh
“My girlfriend and I were late for our dinner plans, so we decided to cut through campus to save time and as we were running up the stairs above the Terrace, I … lost my balance. When I reached out to catch the railing I instead grabbed by girlfriend’s shoulder and tore her dress right past her bra.”
–I’ve never been so scared of a girl in my life
“I thought my girlfriend was making the plans for V-day, and when I went over to her house and she had no idea what I was talking about, so she left me at her place to think about what I did as she went out with her friends.”
–I wish I planned something that day
“One time my boyfriend came over with absolutely nothing and I asked him if we could go out for dinner and he said, ‘All I have is $5… But I made you this card.’ And it was like ‘Aren’t you glad you have an amazing boyfriend like me on Valentine’s’ or some shit and I was pissed! Even with $5 he could have got me like one rose or chocolate!”
–Thank god we broke up
So if you hate your life because you’re alone this Valentine’s Day, I wouldn’t worry too much. Some of these people wish that they had a chance to not spend that time with their significant other and instead curl up in bed, put on a good movie, and bask in enjoying no one else’s company except for their own.