Reflections on bad qualities

To this day, the lesson that has resonated with me the most came from my grade 12 literature class.
We were instructed to draw a box in the centre of a page, then think of the person that we disliked most in this world. We were told to put the qualities about them that annoyed us so much around the box.
I remember my page had qualities like vain, insensitive, spoiled and self-centered. It felt kind of good to get those qualities out on a page and admit what annoyed me so much about a person that everyone else seemed to like.
That was, of course, until we filled our own names into the boxes in the centre of our sheets.
Most of the students in the class were indignant. There was no way people saw me as vain and self-centered, was there?
I started to question everything about the way I saw myself; was I really the person that I hated the most? I wasnāt the only one feeling disheartened.
Some students laughed, but most were annoyed or uncomfortable.
Then, our teacher continued our lesson. She said that these qualities, the ones we hated the most in the other person, were actually the ones we try to repress in ourselves.
Thatās when everything clicked for me. I hated the thought of being vain because I try so hard not to be vain. The thought of being insensitive was so hurtful because I try so hard to be attentive to the needs of others.
As much as Iād like to get along with everyone I come across, sometimes itās just not possible while still keeping an opinion and a personality.
Butting heads and confrontation with others is bound to happen, sooner or later. Living with this certainty, for me, has been a lot easier with this logic in mind.
I still communicate with my āleast favourite person.ā I still think that she matches all of the qualities she did two years ago. But dealing with her now has become a lot easier. In a way, I think itās like the old āturning the other cheek.ā
At the end of the day, she can say and do whatever she wants, as much as it annoys me. I even let her, to an extent, because a lot of the time itās just not worth arguing. In the meantime, I can rest easy knowing that Iāve done my best to not be like her.
Maybe Iām the name that people think about when theyāre writing the qualities around an empty box. Maybe some of my qualities are the ones that people really hate.
Iām not going to lose sleep over that, either. These hypothetical qualities? Theyāre ones that I must be more comfortable within myself.
If Iām disliked for qualities I like, Iām not going to try to change those traits anyway. Being confident isnāt just skin deep.
There isnāt anything wrong with clashing personalities or annoyances with peers.
What matters is that youāre comfortable enough with your personality and opinions that you can work with these annoyances without shutting down.
The annoying qualities in others are qualities we want to shut off in ourselves. Seeing them in another person shouldnāt reflect your own self-confidence.
Rest easy knowing that youāre not like them; at least, youāre trying not to be.