Halloween candies and chocolate ranked from best to worst

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By most people’s standards, I would be considered too old to be trick or treating. Despite this, my candy preferences are strong and have remained this way since childhood.

I probably shouldn’t be critically analyzing each piece of candy I’m given on Halloween, especially because it’s all free. As the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers, but I’d like to challenge this notion.

Based largely on personal opinion, the following list outlines the best to worst Halloween candies.

Starbursts

Starbursts easily win first place in terms of the best candies, and getting both a pink and red Starburst in one package is a transcendental experience. The only downside is that they’re distributed in packages of two: never enough for me, but alas, I suppose fun always has its limits.

Kit-Kat

A classic in every sense of the word, Kit Kats have earned their place as a staple Halloween candy and are the perfect addition to any lunch bag or office candy bowl. Although they aren’t hard to come by, Kit Kats still remain a top tier candy for their unmatched versatility.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

We all have different tastes, so while it may not be my personal favourite, I recognize the overwhelmingly positive reputation that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have garnered from trick or treaters far and wide. The chocolate and peanut butter combination are so rich and filling that even in Halloween-sized versions, eating just one cup will theoretically do the trick (but it never does).

Rockets

This entirely mediocre candy should not be given as large of a role in Halloween candy distribution as it has. After more than a few Rockets, the chalky texture becomes unbearable, and for this reason, Rockets have earned a low rung on the ladder.

Caramel Squares

When compared to other candies, caramel squares are extremely underwhelming. Receiving one of these on Halloween just feels like a cop-out: is it so bad to expect a little more effort from the people giving me free candy? If I wanted a caramel square, I would simply ask my Grandma, not my weird neighbour.

Dubble Bubble

Dubble Bubble has always been a Halloween staple, and for no good reason. The fun, bright wrapping and rich pink shade of the gum are misleading and for this reason, I believe that the makers of Dubble Bubble deserve jail time. After only a few seconds, the gum begins to lose its flavour. One might try to counter this by shoving more pieces of gum into their mouth, but then you’re liable to choke, which is rarely ever fun.

When it comes to Halloween, whatever candy you get is largely based on the luck of the draw. This is why I would like to rally for every adult to make information candy purchasing decisions so that the next generation of trick or treaters never has to know the pain of reaching into their bag and pulling out a caramel square.

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