March 9, 2011

Dear Life,

Would the people in the one o’clock first year business class let me out of my sociology class before steam-rolling their way in? I know you guys get a boner from running in and getting your “favourite seat” but honestly there are plenty of places to sit. Grow some balls and sit next to someone you don’t know, they’re not going to give you chlamydia.

Sincerely,
Your Mom Hates When I Keep Her Waiting

Dear Life,

This super-smart Jeopardy computer is blowing my fucking mind.

Sincerely,
Robots Will Kill Us All One Day

Dear Life,

Why is it that my roommate doesn’t understand that the walls are thin? She is so loud, I feel like I’ve had sex with her boyfriend.

Sincerely,
No, I Don’t Like That. No, I Don’t Want More. No, It Doesn’t Feel Good

Dear Life,

Where were the Dear Life’s last issue? Don’t you know that’s how I get through every Wednesday? Thanks, because now I’m dead on the inside.

Sincerely,
I Seem To Have No Life

Dear Life,

I love strangers and their acts of random kindness. I just hate how they will never know how much you really appreciated it.

Sincerely,
Thank You Thank You Thank You!!

Dear Life,

I am a mundane, pathetic and boring person… Until I saw the spectacular slow motion train wreck that is Charlie Sheen.

Thank you Charlie, thank you so much for all you have given us.

Sincerely,
Winning

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