Feb. 14 is a day many people love, but also quietly despise. Personally, I love this day as I think of pink and red, heart-shaped everything, themed candy and overall, just a cute holiday.
However, besides the cute decorations and Pinterest boards, I have noticed a shift. In the last couple of years, Valentine’s Day has evolved from a celebration of love into an online performance. What was once about expressing care for the people in our lives has become a day to post one’s significant other, relationship status, bouquet of flowers, or dinner reservation. The public display has become the main attraction, while love itself often feels secondary.
Of course, Valentine’s Day can be great. It offers an excuse to slow down, show affection to those you love in your life, go out for a special dinner, or surprise someone with a thoughtful gift. It also allows people who are shy about a script for expressing what they feel and adds a bit of magic back into an otherwise dull stretch of winter. I do not want to deny the value of a holiday that celebrates love; however, the problem is not only the holiday itself. Rather, it is the way we have allowed it to become the primary day to demonstrate love and care.
It is hard not to notice how many people wait for Feb. 14 to acknowledge their partner, friends, or even themselves.
In a way, Valentine’s Day has allowed love to become condensed by being squeezed into a single day of big gestures, red roses, and prix-fixe menus. However, love, when it is at its healthiest, it’s is not built from grand gestures, but it instead grows through habits. This is where showcasing love in everyday life becomes crucial.
Showing love can be as simple as checking in on someone after a long day or even regularly, just letting them know that you are thinking of them or even if you saw something that reminded you of them, making someone laugh or even remembering something small that they mentioned months ago. It looks like helping without being asked, listening without planning your response, or just supporting someone even if it is not the most convenient for you.
What concerns me is how much attention the “holiday version” of love receives. Social media has made Valentine’s Day a kind of performance review for romantic relationships. Those without partners are constantly reminded of what they supposedly lack, and those who have partners often feel pressured to one up each other to prove the strength of their relationship through material displays. The holiday becomes less about connection and more about comparison.
In the process, everyday forms of love such as small kindnesses, loyalty, emotional labour and vulnerability- often times become invisible.
If Valentine’s Day genuinely inspired people to love more consistently, it would be harmless. But too often, it becomes a substitute rather than a supplement. Love that only exists on holidays cannot sustain itself. It burns fast and photographs well but struggles to endure ordinary days.
This is why love must be a habit, and not just a holiday. Love should not be reserved for an Instagram story or a fancy dinner reservation. It should be woven into the daily routines of life, being a thing that we practice, maintain and choose long after the heart-shaped chocolate has gone on clearance.
Valentine’s Day can still be cute, fun, and celebratory; however, it should not carry the entire responsibility of reminding us to love the people around us. If anything, its purpose should be to highlight what we should already be doing.
The truest gesture of love is not what you do on February 14th, but what you do the other 364 days of the year.
Contributed Graphic/ Anna Koehler
