If Ted Mosby was a reality show, you’d have Love is Blind. It’s a Netflix original — a label that has officially lost all its credibility — about literal blind dating.
Contestants of both genders are each thrown into a conjoining room, separated by a sheet of stained glass.
The idea is that, without the constructs of prejudice and sexual preference, it is possible to fall in love with someone simply based on their personality.
Alright, cute idea I guess. It’s obvious this show is just another gimmick, dramatized to entice viewers to continue binging episodes. But the problems regarding this program cannot solely be thrown at the producers.
The participants are excruciatingly bland, and there is no depth to these people past their glaring insecurities and willingness to show cleavage. It becomes increasingly difficult to root for these egocentric, primitive bores and by the end of the series, you find yourself wishing them all severe romantic anguish.
Okay, I guess this is your spoiler warning (although I am in no way promoting this show). It’s entertaining, I’ll give it that. I watched every episode the day it came out and even got friends hooked on it. If you can watch the show with low expectations and the willingness to laugh at these people’s fragility, go ahead, enjoy.
But if you’re clicking play looking for a Bachelor-esque melodrama, just swallow your pride and go watch The Masked Singer. You’ll find more tear-jerking sentimentality there.
Now that we understand the premise, let’s make fun of it. Here are some of my not overly serious issues with the show:
Vague occcupations
I will compliment this show’s ability to find synonyms for unemployed. Amber is an ‘Ex-Tank Mechanic.’ Sounds fun, right? Her new fiancé is likely to disagree once discovering that along with her instability, he’s also acquiring her $100,000 of unpaid debt.
Cameron is a ‘scientist.’ Who knew Coldplay songs could be an occupation? It simply begs me to ask, scientist of what? Impulsivity? He never really specifies.
Every occupation is either vague as hell or just the person’s title within their respective organization. Regional Manager of what, Jessica? Christ!
Constructed romance
It rings true that there’s no such thing as love at first sight. Love is not instant, infatuation is. Love is something that is built over time, something you form with a partner based on that initial attraction.
I struggle to believe these relationships are anything more than infatuation. True love” (or whatever you want to call it) cannot be constructed based on two or three meetings with a person through a wall all while being monitored and documented.
If this was the case I’d have proposed to Reyshan, the TD Canada customer support worker, a long time ago. I miss you, ReyRey.
There is such an informal, casual expression of love on this show. There is no hesitation to declare your infinite adoration to a relative stranger. It’s irrational. I’ve known my mother for 20 years and I’m still not sure how I feel about her.
Everyone is hot
Does it really say anything about the experiment of falling in love with one’s personality when everyone on the show is absolutely stunning? Just once I’d like to see an overweight bricklayer with a heart of gold. But no, everyone is hot.
The biggest worry for these people in regard to what they call ‘the experiment’ is that there won’t be a physical attraction to their partners once they’ve met.
But with the confirmation of attractiveness within their respective genders, it forms an assurance that the opposing gender will be equally gorgeous.
Even with this fact in place, two of the five engagements were broken off strictly due to lack of a physical attraction. Mark was a little too short for Jessica. Kenny wasn’t quite Kelly’s “type.” This just speaks to the genuine hollowness of our society, prioritizing enormous breasts or a hefty bulge over literacy or competence.
Everyone is always drunk
Seriously, this is concerning. There’s at least a couple of alcoholics in the bunch. Get some help, girlfriend.
Honestly, though, this show is harmless. It’s just another piece of monotonous content to feel self-conscious over, just like every other bland television show targeting hopeless romantics.
There’s a hell of a lot larger influences to worry about impacting our society; mindless YouTubers airbrushed Instagram models and those goblins we call the Kardashians.
Sure, a cigarette isn’t good for the environment but really how much does it affect the ozone layer? That’s all this show is a single cigarette.
Just one butt amongst the deadly carbon omissions that are the Paul Brothers. The smokestacks that are the Chris Browns and the catastrophic oil spills are the Howard Sterns.
It’s all just thoughtless garbage at the end of the day, and it’s our choice whether or not we consume it.