Jan. 12, 2011

Dear Life,

Why are first years always complaining? The Science Building has always been cold, the Terrace has always given terrible service, and the hours of businesses have always been completely awful. Most intelligent beings have learned to adapt.

Sincerely,
They must have REALLY lowered the admission requirements

Dear Life,

Why doesn’t anyone who writes in to Dear Life know what “sincerely” means? When you end a letter with “sincerely,” whatever you write afterwards is supposed to indicate who you are; the space after “sincerely” is not the appropriate space for you to keep writing and making your point. “Sincerely, Stop Wearing Leggings” and “Sincerely, Fuck WLUSU” are inaccurate and show a poor grasp of English and letter-writing skills.

Sincerely,
Seriously, you people suck at your own language. Also, leggings and WLUSU are alright

Dear Life,

Why is it that everyone is getting so worked up about leggings, flags in the DH, and dancing in the concourse? I think everyone just needs to smoke a bowl and relax.

Sincerely,
The Happy Toker

Dear Life,

Continue being fucking awesome!

Sincerely,
Happy 2011!

Dear Life,

Two special events took place at the Turret prior to the holidays. One attended by students, and another by members of the faculty association. Unfortunately, the faculty members were even cheaper than the students.

Sincerely,
Apparently no one at Laurier knows how to leave a good tip

Dear Life,

I didn’t realize that when the University decided to initiate healthy food options they would take out Outside The Box, the healthiest snack option ever to grace our campus. Perhaps with the Terrace expansion they could have brought it back? There would have been more than enough space.

Sincerely,
Thinking Outside The Box

Dear Life,

I found out where all our fresh water resources are going. Down the toilet in the second floor bathroom of the library. I swear it flushes for like a full minute. Can we get this fixed before the EcoHawk kids have a shit fit? (Pun totally intended)

Sincerely,
Flusssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Dear Life,

What is with everyone and their Blackberries? Am I the only sane person who doesn’t want to be reached at all hours of the day in any way possible? If I’m in class, people can wait. If I’m walking, people can wait. If I’m having a conversation with someone, people can wait. There is nothing that important that can’t wait. Pay attention to your current surroundings, and stop living in your BBM-filled world.

Sincerely,
I don’t understand why you all complain about having no money if you can afford to pay your Blackberry bills every month

Dear Life,

You guys at the Cord piss me right off. I just read the “Dear Life” section of the paper and it made me want to hit every single person who wrote in in the teeth with a 2×4. Jesus Christ, all those people do is whine about the most senseless garbage and drop f-bombs more frequently than a porn star on ecstasy. If I hear about another “freezing” science kid, someone will get hurt (metaphorically).

Sincerely,
Yeah, I realize this is a hypocritical letter, deal with it

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