If Christmas gifts could talk

(Graphic by Lena Yang)
(Graphic by Lena Yang)

Presents are one of the greatest aspects of Christmas, but we’ve all gotten our fair share of terrible gifts that send us a message even without a card. Imagine what those terrible gifts would say if they could speak.


Remember when you were a kid and you were told that if you were bad you’d get coal for Christmas. Well, coal upgraded to socks when you became an adult.

This present is basically telling you the person doesn’t know you or like you enough to get you something thoughtful for Christmas. If this gift could talk it’d probably say “Don’t be mad, you got me for Christmas. I should be angry knowing my sock mate is going to be under the bed and I’m going to be paired up with some other random sock.”

Re-gifted gifts

When I was 12 my aunt gave me “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” for Christmas. I went to the front page and saw my aunt had written a message for me over a message she had whited out. The gift had originally been for my cousin.

These gifts sting because you know they weren’t picked out specifically for you. What hurts even more is the fact the gift giver did not even put an effort into concealing the evidence the present was a re-gift. Basically, if this gift could talk it would say “Here’s something that would have been in the back of a closet or in the garbage , but ‘tis the season to give so here it’s re-wrapped for you!”

Skin Care Products

These presents can be quite thoughtful and sincere, but anyone who has given anyone an acne cleansing set has crossed a line. These products send the message, “You have terrible skin and I’m honestly trying to help, this product works and now you have to try it!” I feel like some products are never meant to be gifted and a Proactiv set is one of them.

Fitness Equipment/Gym Membership

These gifts are fine for those who are active and enjoy fitness. It is a terrible gift for the coach potato or anyone who doesn’t enjoy being active. Using gifts to hint or push someone into a direction that you believe they should be going in is terrible and ignorant.

They’re rather useless gifts because a person without motivation, won’t use the gifts anyway. These gifts are basically saying “Here’s a kick-start, I’m really trying to help you live a healthier active lifestyle!”

Jimmy Kimmel Presents

Honestly, if a spoiled banana, half eaten sandwich or bag of potatoes are a gifts you’ve received, the person  hates you and wants to end their relationship with you. If you’re lucky, there’s a camera nearby and you’re most likely going to be on Jimmy Kimmel.

Leave a Reply