Five phrases that really need to stop

(Graphic by Alex Watson)

5. “Cool story, bro”

Example: “I was so drunk with all my friends last night. I have friends and I get drunk”. “Cool story, bro. Can I hear it again?”

It was a cool story, and don’t call me “bro”. I get that you are being sarcastic but there are better ways to be funny. You are trying to be funny, right? The phrase derived from Superbad and eventually found it’s way onto t-shirts and Facebook memes. At first this quick retort was a brilliant response; perfect for dismissing someone’s irrelevant statements. Feed us this line once in a while, but please don’t jam it down our throats every ten seconds. Unfortunately that advice is too late, we’re already choking on this overused response.

4. “FTB: For The Boys”

Example: “Let’s go muck some pizza then get drunk, FTB.”

As long as there are hockey players, “FTB” will live on. No matter what you are doing, it is always “for the boys”. You may ask, who are these “boys” that we are constantly doing things for? Your friends and teammates are the boys. This phrase is way of showing your unselfish ways. A sense a community is created if you reassure the people around you that everything you do, you do it with, and for your boys. FTB people aren’t hard to find either: just look for the guys with the long hair wearing a snapback hat, preferably a Bass Pro Shop one – in Canada, there is bound to be one 25 meters from you at all times. Just when you think this was the most annoying phrase, you hear some girl yell, “Slumber party FTG”. That’s right, “For The Girls”. As much as we all want this to end, I think FTB and sadly FTG have at least another two years left in them. Just stay clear of fraternities.

3. “Sorry not sorry”

Example: “Hey Julia! Totally drank all of our wine coolers that I bought with my roommates. Sorry not sorry!”

It’s either one or the other, folks.

2. “That awkward moment when…”

Example: “That awkward moment when you’re so drunk at a party and you run into your ex boyfriend.”

I will personally pay to have this phrase removed from the world, just name your price. The word “awkward” use to be such a beautiful piece of the English language. Suddenly, teen girls kidnapped “awkward” and turned it into a repulsive sound of nothingness. At first, they chopped it into “awks” which if you perk your ears up can still hear being used. Although teen girls murdered “awkward”, Twitter was undoubtedly the accomplice. The hash tag “#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen…” went viral and everyone played their part in the crime. How could you not? It was an easy path towards a retweet. Now people use the phrase to describe scenarios that don’t even make sense. “That awkward moment when I’m hungry and there is nothing in the fridge.” No, that’s not awkward, that’s laziness. Just stop.

1. “YOLO”

Example: “On my way to cover my forearm with a Marilyn Monroe tattoo even though it will look like Queen Elizabeth when turn I 45, YOLO!”

Infamously coined by Canadian hip-hop artist Drake, YOLO is an acronym which stands for “You Only Live Once”; although Buddhists may disagree. In other words, YOLO is an excuse for people to do whatever the hell they want. It has become more than a phrase; it is a way of life. You only live once, so why not spend your tuition on a new car? You only live once, so why not cheat on your significant other? You only live once, so why not take advice from a song featuring Lil’ Wayne? YOLO has become a cultural phenomenon. Drake said, “Here, use this term” and we said “No thanks”, and then he held a gun to our head. It’s hard to tell when someone is using YOLO ironically or if they are actually stupid, I suppose that is the beauty of the term. However, it needs to go.


By Michael Porfirio

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