Feb. 2, 2011

Dear Life,

As one of this year’s JDC Central Co-Captains for Laurier, I truly appreciate the hard work and dedication of The Cord in covering this weekend’s events. They all but glossed over the fact that Laurier was victorious in one of the most prestigious business competitions in Canada, and more importantly, disregarded the involvement of anyone actually on the delegation when asking for quotes. Instead, the real crux of the weekend was covered, when for the first 7 paragraphs everything except the results were disclosed. Perhaps when someone from Laurier wins a Nobel Prize, they will get a front page article.
Here’s to hoping.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Captain

Dear Life,

Are you kidding me Library employee on the 7th floor!?!? For the last35 minutes you’ve been banging your cart on every fucking shelf in this place! I came here for quiet not to experience you trying to make sound effects for some shitty action movie! What are you even doing? This is INSANE!

Sincerely,
Maybe You Could Drive That Cart Better Sober!

Dear Life,

I am a second year student who was recently robbed by Laurier. Over the winter break, my Onecard had all the funds removed without any notice whatsoever. When I inquired about this, I was told that I had received numerous emails about this and I should have used the remaining money first semester. Funny, these emails must be non-existent because no one I know heard anything about this.

Sincerely,
Now even poorer than I was before the holidays

Dear Life,

It’s the fourth week of classes and I’m already getting annoyed with my fellow classmates. Stop spamming my mylearningspace.wlu email account with your weak-ass request for lecture notes that you have missed. I don’t care if you missed class for reasons legitimate or not the only way you are getting my notes is if you ask me in person like a respectable human-being and fellow scholar or are a student using the ALC instead of someone who is looking for a free leg up.

Sincerely,
I Make the Effort to Make Friends in Class So I Can Get Notes and Study With Other People, Grow Some Social Skill Outside of Facebook and Twitter and Go To Class

Dear life,

Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,
Hey Look, I’m Not Crying Like a Little Bitch

Dear Life,

As I sit at work on campus, recovering from a bottle of diet pop exploding all over my desk, legs, chair, and floor, my boss walks in with a Starbucks hot chocolate for me- WITH WHIPPED CREAM. Life, how am I supposed to stick to my diet when you have Boss Man bring me such irresistible treats? As I raise the steamy cocoa to my lips, the whipped goodness dribbles down my chin and onto my shirt and pants to join the spilled pop.
Query answered.

Sincerely,
Diet: 4 since breakfast , Me: 0.

Dear Life,

The director of Laurier Musical Theatre’s production, “College: The Musical,” was quoted in the Cord as saying “There’s a ton of talent at Laurier in singing; acting, and dancing, and there’s no – at least academic way – to do that.”
One of my fellow singers went to the Dean of Music and told him this. The Dean stared for a moment, and then laughed. The student who said this is a superb singer and is in the Performance stream/opera program. Singing, and acting, for credit. Most operas have dance, too.

Sincerely,
Elusive John-Aird Native
P.S. We have a class called “Acting for Singers,” too

Comments are closed.