Dear Life – Oct 28, 2015

Dear Life,

Can we just talk about how amazing the Food Bank is, didn’t think I would have time to do groceries with all these midterms and they are just totally saving me from starving. Don’t know what I’d do without the services at this school!

Sincerely,

A no-longer-hungry-hawk

Dear first year business kids,

Shut the fuck up

Sincerely,

if you can’t handle it, please drop out (and off the face of the earth)

Dear Life,

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide,

No escape from reality.

Open your eyes,

Look up to the skies and see,

I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,

Because I’m easy come, easy go,

Little high, little low,

Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me.

Mama, just killed a man,

Put a gun against his head,

Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.

Mama, life had just begun,

But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.

Mama, ooh,

Didn’t mean to make you cry,

If I’m not back again this time tomorrow,

Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

Too late, my time has come,

Sent shivers down my spine,

Body’s aching all the time.

Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go,

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

Mama, ooh (anyway the wind blows),

I don’t wanna die,

I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?

Thunderbolt and lightning,

Very, very frightening me.

(Galileo) Galileo.

(Galileo) Galileo,

Galileo Figaro

Magnifico.

I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me.

He’s just a poor boy from a poor family,

Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)

Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)

Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!)

Will not let you go. (Let me go!)

Never, never let you go

Never let me go, oh.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, mama mia, mama mia (Mama mia, let me go.)

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby,

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

(Oh, yeah, oh yeah)

Nothing really matters,

Anyone can see,

Nothing really matters,

Nothing really matters to me.

Anyway this bitch blows.

Sincerely,

Great White Buffalo

Dear Life,

I can’t believe I didn’t know until this week how racist, sexist, homophobic and just generally terrible the students at Laurier are.

Sincerely,

Being Pocahontas is still racist

Dear Life,

I thought the rampant hypocrisy of profs complaining about the statue project when they work at a university named after a genocidal prime minister was annoying. Then I saw how many horrible human beings signed the pro-statue petition. News Flash, no one against the statues is talking about political correctness you idiots – why not confront them with logic instead of platitudes

Sincerely,

Is there no room for moderates on this campus

Dear Life,

You know what’s awesome? Justin Trudeau’s face.

Sincerely,

#WeeklyReminders

Dear Life,

Why must Bath and Body Works candles be 50% on the week I don’t get paid?

Sincerely,

All I want for Christmas is more candles

Dear Life,

The only man in the world sat on a chair in a room. He heard a knock on the door.

Sincerely,

Happy Haunting

Dear WHO,

Thanks for sending out that study about how bacon and processed meats have as much a chance to cause cancer as tobacco. Way to ruin one of the most delicious creations I have ever tasted. Apparently everything causes cancer nowadays.

Sincerely,

I’ll risk it