Dear Life: March 20

(Graphic by Adele Palmquist).

(Graphic by Adele Palmquist).

Dear Life,
I think the people at The Cord need to stop being so ignorant and biased and stop hating on the Students’ Union. Cord, I challenge you to actually post this.
Sincerely,
WLUSU

Dear Life,  
Why do roommates have to be such bitches when you move in during the last year of school? You could at least say “hi” when you see me in the kitchen. … I’ve tried talking and inviting you guys out. No wonder I’m never home. Fuck you.
Sincerely,
Roommate you ignore for no reason

Dear Life,
For whoever it was that recently published a Dear Life segment about cutting ERT, if you want them at emergencies…call them. You can’t expect EMS to telepathically know to show up, so it is beyond unreasonable to expect that a bunch of devoted students who volunteer their free time to keep their campus safe will be able to do that. Think next time before you offend a group of people that volunteer for the sole purpose of helping you. ERT runs 3 p.m.-3 a.m. weekdays, and 24 hours starting at 3 p.m. Friday and going until 3 a.m. Sunday. Call them (ext: 3333), they are here to help, and better yet they genuinely want to.
Sincerely,
ERT rocks my socks

Dear Life,
The table in the Business Atrium that I am writing this on is so wobbly that I might not be able to finish this message. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But it did spill my coffee.
Sincerely,
My science roommate doesn’t even let me call it an ‘atrium’

Dear Life,
I think the president-elect is really pretty.
Sincerely,
Crushin’ on Constantinescu

Dear Life,
Would people please move to the back of the bus instead of acting like squished sardines in only half of the can!
Sincerely,
Stop crowding the door and learn to push your way there

Dear Life,
Health magazines are not lying about this generation’s problem with obesity when an entire elevator full of people get off at the second floor in the DAWB.
Sincerely,
Stop being fat asses and walk up one flight of stairs for God’s sake

Dear Life,
I know I’m about six months late with this complaint (and I really don’t want to be a negative Nancy) but why does the Dining Hall have to suck so f*cking much?? All in to tear down that stupid wall and return the set-up to what it was last year?! I think yes…
Sincerely,
Tim Horton’s no. 1 customer

Dear Life,
WHY ARE YOU YELLING “SEND IT” IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIFTH FLOOR OF THE LIBRARY? NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THAT YOU HAVE FOOTBALL PRACTICE.
Sincerely,
I CAN YELL TOO

Dear Life,
An Ode to St. Party’s Day,
chug it, slurp it, lick it good
green this, green that MORNING WOOD
cheers it, beers it, clears your cup
leggo bitch lets get fucked up
loose it, puke it, dude wheres your drink?
mann I dunnoo… I was puking in a sink…
Sincerely,
St. Patt’s Fucked me this weekend… and I took it like a champ

Dear Life,
I think I’d like Dance A$$ better if William Shatner covered it.
Sincerely,
Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass

Dear Life,
I’m diving into the mysterious world of M2M technology.
I would rather be eating M&Ms.
Sincerely,
Third-year BBA Student Battling ICE Week

Dear Life,
”(I write this reeling,
Having got drunk exceedingly today,
So that I seem to stand upon the ceiling)
I say — the future is a serious matter —
And so — for God’s sake — hock and soda water!”
Sincerely,
Byron, after St. Pat’s

Dear Life,
Thank you SO much for placing me at KSR North. I can hear the sound of the violin every day and it makes me extremely happy. Violin guy in my building, I LOVE YOU.
Sincerely,
In love

Dear Life,
To the drunk men on the bus:
Thank you for affirming the fact that my short hair enables me to identify unintelligent, undiscerning, inconsiderate men whose testicles are larger than their brains. If you have such a hard time determining gender, I wish you all the best in life.
Sincerely,
It isn’t that hard

Dear Life,
Do you ever find yourself listing off the residences: MacDonald House, Bricker, Euler… Euler? Anyone? Euler…?
Sincerely,
Save Ferris

Dear Life,

To ERT Even go to calls anymore!???. Yeah we do go to calls when we get them. Res-life has been telling people that we, as fully trained First Responders by the Canadian Red Cross, are not trained or capable to deal with situations that arise in res or on campus. There is just too much of a disconnect between Res-Life and WLUSU. Seriously call us, we would love to help you. There is nothing that is too small or too big for us to handle.

Sincerely,
Can WLUSU and Res-Life kiss and make up already!?

Dear Life,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           I’m sure Desire2Learn will pass along a refund for their poorly designed MyLearningSpace crashing so much this year, could this get passed along to the students too?

Sincerely,
I paid for this

Dear Life, 

FML,
Sincerely
Science students

Want to submit a Dear Life? Click here to send one in through or website or e-mail dearlife@thecord.ca.

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