Dear Life: Dec. 19

(Graphic by Adele Palmquist).

(Graphic by Adele Palmquist).

Dear first-year self,

Why didn’t you study this hard in first year instead of getting blackout every other night?

Sincerely,

Could’ve had a 10 GPA

 

Dear automatic toilets,

When I’m in the bathroom at the gym because I don’t want to change in front of a million people, I appreciate you flushing three times. That’s a great way to use our water. You know I am 19 and am able to flush with a lever.

Sincerely,

David Suzuki would not approve of this message

 

Dear Life,

Sometimes you can be a dirty slut. Shout out to Billy’s thong. When the night fills my song, ill be home where the watermelons grow. I hate when Becky looks at my butt and judges me. Cats are an elephant’s best friend. I like turtles, but I love who-dingers. Sex, drugs, McDonald’s. Exams suck but so do sluts, and none of you seem to complain about that. AWWOOOOGAAA said Mary Poppins!

Sincerely,

Procrastinating and super high on caffeine

 

Dear ’Dear Life’,

When did you become a replacement for ”Like a Little”? And where did that go anyway? How else am I supposed to objectify women in an anonymous, yet public way? At least it made everyone dress better.

Sincerely,

Craig’s list it is!

 

Dear see you around,

I was already having a bad day before slipping in mud and it certainly isn’t fun before an exam. I don’t know how often guys at Laurier slip in mud but if you’re talking about me, thank you for the compliment! Have an amazing day!

Sincerely,

Guy who slipped in mud the other day

 

Dear Life,

Excited for the Drag Show in January!!!

Sincerely,

Totally not part of the Drag Show committee

 

Dear Life,

I’m lazy as hell and didn’t do anything all day. I needed to study for my 2 exams on Saturday and I didn’t even do that. I just marathoned a TV show and yelled at the TV while eating all the junk food I had in my house. The most distressing part of my day so far was that I could not undo the lid to my bottle of ginger ale.

Sincerely,

Lazy as fuck

 

Dear Life,

That awkward moment when you leave your phone on the bed while you’re sleeping, roll over, and accidentally dial someone at three in the morning.

Sincerely,

My sleep-deprived friend is mad at me

 

Dear Life,

Why did my prof waste ten minutes of our lives reading the exam instructions aloud when they were right there on the paper?

Sincerely,

We could have used that time for something else. Like, you know, writing the freaking exam

 

Dear Don’t crash your own theme party,

We understand A Team did not follow the dress code, but who really cares? I see complaining to us about this wasn’t enough and a ’Dear life’ entry was necessary. Bitter much?

Sincerely,

Your friends are getting annoyed

 

Dear Disrespectful Roommate,

Do the dishes. Say hello. Leave your room. Don’t talk shit behind our backs.

Sincerely,

Strongly Considering Moving

 

Dear Santa,

Thank you for letting people believe what isn’t real.

Sincerely,

Religion

 

Dear The United States of America,

In light of the Connecticut Shooting and all other tragedies this year, something needs to change. Republican or Democrat, open your fucking eyes. May those killed rest in peace.

Sincerely,

The World

 

Dear Less-then-nice TAs,

When I am asked to write an essay, I’m under the impression that it’s supposed to be ME writing it. Please do not hand me back a paper in the 70’s with the only corrections being my scratched out ’word choices’ with your preference on top. You should be looking for ideas, course content and clarity, not for what sounds nice to you.

Sincerely,

Forever Getting 73 per cent

 

Dear Life,

Why?

Sincerely,

Philosopher Rob

 

Dear Life,

Over the past year you’ve awarded me with many choices, specifically four that would lead me to different cities across Canada. I chose Waterloo, I chose Laurier, and I chose to be a Golden Hawk. After experiencing this city and the never-ending school spirit, I’d accept again in a heartbeat. All roads lead to Laurier!

Sincerely,

No longer just new in town, this is my home too

Dear Life entries can be submitted via e-mail (dearlife@thecord.ca) or through our website by clicking here.

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