At a certain age, the excitement around throwing house parties simply loses its novelty. At twenty-one — although premature this conclusion — I think I can confidently say I’m content never going to another house party again.
At this point, the entire endeavor is a tiring effort rather than something to look forward to. As our responsibilities grow, so does the inconvenience of the hangovers—it simply becomes an impossible thing to prioritize.
Which made the recent by-law on indoor social gatherings relatively painless to acclimate myself to. If anything, it made life easy! No F.O.M.O, no alcohol expenses and no need to find clothes that hide — or visually minimize— my ever-growing paunch.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for everyone. For some, the thrill of partying never dies, which makes these new regulations difficult to accept and hard to follow.
In fact, these regulations have been avidly ignored by a large number of Waterloo residents. On Sept. 7, more than a hundred students had attended a party on Hickory St. —the hosts facing up to $880 in charges each.
It should be no surprise to anyone that throwing large, indoor gatherings — especially ones involving irresponsible, intoxicated millennials — is a well-advertised public health risk.
But it’s hard for me to sit here and be judgmental of those who continue to throw and attend large, indoor parties because frankly, I don’t miss it. For those people who simply can’t go without binge drinking, beer pong and the boys I understand.
In no way am I saying I support it. Anyone with the ability to rationally process a coherent thought knows that throwing parties during a global pandemic is idiotic. All I’m saying is I can appreciate the difficulty.
It’s like a nasty habit you’re suddenly mandated by the government to kick. I’ve been trying to quit cigarettes for over two years and it’s been anything but easy. Who’s to say there aren’t withdrawal symptoms from the natural — or artificial — high of partying?
It’s also quite possible I’m giving party-goers far too much credit — some people are just ignorant. They’re young and attractive and government regulations just don’t apply to them.
But regardless of why you’re throwing or attending parties, it’s a non-negotiable fact that you shouldn’t be. This shouldn’t be news to anyone and if you’re caught, playing dumb just isn’t going to cut it this time.
It’s important to establish your social circle, even if it is bigger than ten people. Do the absolute most you can to avoid situations where the spread of COVID-19 becomes a likelihood rather than a mild concern.
It’s one thing to have a few drinks with some friends but the second there’s a line for the bathroom, you’re well over capacity. Smarten up and find other ways to socialize with friends.
If porn just isn’t doing it for you and parties are your only way of meeting people of romantic interest, hop on one of the many dating apps available and meet someone one-on-one. It’s not ideal and should be advised against but at least chlamydia never killed anyone.
Stop throwing parties; it’s that easy. There is absolutely no excuse to huddle up in Cletus’ dingy basement bar. With so many other solutions and ways to socialize, it’s nothing more than irresponsible — and if you claim you can’t think of any, email me. I’ll send you a list.
