What your favourite K-W bar says about you

Phil’s

If you got Phil’s then you’re cheap and dirty, my friend, but that’s okay because that just means you know how to party. School gets expensive, so those generously affordable shots are perfect for you. Your ideal night is sloppy, silly and probably ends with several bouncers shoving you out the door. If you aren’t drenched in other people’s liquor by the end of the night, you aren’t living.

Legend has it the floors are so sticky at Phil’s that the staff are tasked with scraping at least three drunken students off the floor with shovels each night. They say scraping duty is the worst job one can have at Phil’s.

The Order

Your intention is to dance to some catchy beats. EDM, rap, underground bass, you name it. If you’re a part of the LGBTQ community and looking to meet someone, this is the the best club in uptown to do so. You tend to like quaint spaces where the photographer knows you by name and so do the regulars. As a child, you belted the Backstreet Boys lyrics and you’ll continue to do so at The Order.

Legend has it that the washroom in The Order has a secret passageway that leads to each bar in uptown, used in the olden days by the first members of the sacred Order. Some say you can only find the passageway with the use of Grindr.

Dallas

Just because you’re a small-towner at heart, doesn’t mean you don’t like to throw down a major hoedown when you get the chance. You’re most comfortable grooving to songs about Silverado grills in your plaid shirt and ripped jeans. Since you like to live on the wild side, you’ll have your eye on the Dallas bull the moment you walk into the club.

Legend has it that beneath the floorboards of Dallas lies the graveyard of a thousand long, lost Chevy’s. Some say that on the quietest nights you can even hear the soft whimpers of a honky-tonk who cries for the fallen, metal stallions of the past.

Chainsaw

Your ideal night is spent sitting down with a cold beer, talking with pals. You’ve been looking for a chance to blow off some steam with friends. Once you’ve had enough to drink you’re basically a Broadway star, so get up on that karaoke stage and let’s see you make a fool of yourself. 

Legend has it that karaoke at Chainsaw is what inspired Canadian Idol. Some argue against that and say American Idol was in fact the inspiration behind it. We will truly never know the answer to such a profound question.

Pub on King

You got Pub on King, so you’ve been sorted as the Hufflepuff of all drunks. You’re more on the preppy side, probably a hockey bro or sorority girl. Having good conversation by the bar is your style, but you’ll also step up to the dance floor when the right song comes on. Drink up, grab some affordable food and make new friends because this is the right place to do it.

Legend has it that Pub on King was once Fox and the Fiddle.

Brixton

Congratulations, you’re a sophisticated drunk, or at least you like to pretend to be. You dress to impress and have an elaborate story tucked in your back pocket that you’ll conveniently amaze your buddies with at any moment. 

Legend has it that one of the books on the back wall of Brixton contains a secret map that leads to a marvelous fraternity treasure. Some say this treasure contains the golden paddle of the long lost fraternity, Alpha-Omegatron.