Dear Wilf,
I’ve had the same group of girlfriends for the last eleven years. Despite going to different universities, we were always close — until now, apparently. These last few months, we have all been distant with each other, but it feels like I’m getting the brunt of it all. They don’t talk to me nearly as much as they talk to each other and they don’t bother inviting me out anymore. I’m scared that I’m going to lose them as friends, but is there actually anything left worth holding onto?
Sincerely, The Neglected Friend
Dear Neglected Friend,
It seems like you and your friends have gone too many years without fighting and now you’re all making up for it!
Obviously, it hurts when you get into an argument with a friend. It hurts even more when you get into a fight and you never talked about it. Before you make any rash decisions or cut anyone out of your life for good, I think you need to at least sit them down and have a conversation about what happened. Relationships of any kind never die a natural death. They are always murdered by either ego or lack of communication.
You never know what has been going on in their lives, so it is important that you take that into account before jumping to any conclusions about why they have been acting distant with you. If your friends admit that there is an issue and it is something that involves you in particular, take that into consideration rather than be defensive about it. You can work from there and talk about how to deal with future issues so this doesn’t continue.
If not, then you need to accept that you are all growing up and sometimes that means growing apart. They can always be an important part of your life, but the relationship will mean something different now.
Sincerely, Wilf
