This Halloween, think about the likelihood of a real zombie apocalypse

Being alone in a graveyard at night is scary for most people. Maybe this is because it brings up a deep anxiety about interaction with the afterlife. For centuries, artists have preyed upon this fear in their audiences with tales of the re-awakened dead. Could the reason we are afraid of these things be that we recognize a slight chance in them occurring; a worst-case scenario that cannot be ignored?

If we take the small step of assuming that a zombie apocalypse is at least theoretically possible we are immediately faced with the question of how much we should actually worry about that possibility. The reality is that most people are too busy or have too much of an ego to be overheard rambling about all their heroic zombieland-esque fantasies. However, there are still some who care more than others. The important question is how much do you need to worry about it?

Fortunately this question is relatively easy to answer. You don’t need to think much about a zombie apocalypse because ultimately there isn’t really that much that you can do even if you did put an obnoxious amount of effort into planning. This is because everybody else will have done absolutely nothing in preparation other than some crunches or perhaps jumping jacks. Thus, chaos and disorganization ensues.

You may be asking yourself at this point, if I am like everyone else and just wait for the first zombification to react at all then how will I escape the apocalypse? Obviously there is a line between doing “absolutely nothing” and plain-old common sense. This dilemma arises in all kinds of situations where we find ourselves having to find a balance between acting on our impulses to mitigate zombie apocalypse damages and, well, still looking sane – like that one night when you watched Shaun of the Dead and started to reconsider burying your last hamster next to the shed in the backyard.

So, should you actually do anything? We can all agree that obsessing over something as improbable as a zombie apocalypse is unhealthy both mentally and physically. There is no certainty as to whether or not any effort you put into preparing for the situation will make any difference. All logic leads to the conclusion that there is really no point in worrying but we can never seem to release that last shred of anxiety; the silent reminder of our hubris. This means that the only worthwhile opinion I can deliver is that if a zombie apocalypse does occur it will probably happen at a moment of elevated pathos; graveyards are scary for a reason.