How to break up with your partner

Graphic by Jamie Mere

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you can’t avoid the topic of relationships and whether or not you are in one. Chances are, many of you have been broken up with or have broken up with someone in your past—both of which are not fun, and feel a lot worse during this time of year. 

The honest truth is, sometimes we are in relationships for the wrong reasons or it’s not the right time and there are hundreds of factors that play into whether people stay together or not. 

Breaking up is a reality we have to face and from first- hand experience, it is extremely hard to pull the trigger. 

As a disclaimer, relationships require dual effort and you shouldn’t go running for the hills at the first sign of conflict. I’m talking about the kind of relationship where you respect the other person, you enjoy their company and care for them but you just don’t want to be in that relationship for whatever reason. 

Here is how-to break up with someone, through my personal experience. 

Know your reasons and be ready to explain

When you bring up the topic of breaking up you, no doubt have planned a speech and rehearsed it over and over again in your head or, is that just me? Bringing a sensitive topic like this cannot be done on a whim without thought because it will be messy and end up hurting both of you more. 

Be ready to explain why you want what you want, your feelings are justified regardless. If the spark isn’t there it isn’t there;, sorry to burst your bubble. 

Being mature and organized in your thoughts is going to result in the cleanest and friendliest break you can hope for. 

Listen to the other person, but be ready to walk away

Not everyone is cool headed and the breakup conversation can get heated very quickly. It is important to hear what your significant other has to say and how they are feeling because that is going to give them closure

How would you feel if someone just spoke at you and then walked away without letting you vent your feelings as well? That being said if the topic is not being handled in a respectful manner and you are being put in a situation that feels unsafe or hostile then you should be ready to walk away. 

Remember what is best for you and your mental health. Too many times the other person feels they have a chance to win you back or change your mind. In this case, before entering into the conversation, know what you want or don’t enter into it at all. 

Time and healing

When you are breaking up with someone it is often not just one individual, it is their friends and family as well. Know that the decision is going to hurt, but in time, you will be able to accept that you did what was right for you. 

Depending on your situation sometimes friendship is possible, but not always and this is the risk you have to take. Be prepared to distract yourself with work or hobbies to start the healing process.

February doesn’t have to be a time of sadness just because you are single. Remember that you are living for only one person and not everyone is going to fit into your life how you want them to. Perhaps this is a harsh point of view, but I believe 2021 is the year of having the confidence to do what is right for you. regardless of the temporary pain.

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