Editorial: Experiential learning in the world of dating

For the first time in a long time, I’m seeking casual experiences with new people instead of a serious long term relationship. 

In the process of doing so, I started reading articles about dating and meeting new people. Out of all the articles I’ve read from magazines targeted at men and women, I’ve come to the conclusion that people are attracted to an experience. Whether your experience of someone is an adventure, a relaxing hangout or anything in-between; everyone values the experience of being with someone as much, or as more, as the appearance of that person.

This is a temporary practice that I’ve found helped with the first time I met someone. With time, the stress fades away and my personality takes over.

I began seeing myself as an experience that I can shape and alter and that perspective was drastically different from thinking I just need to ‘be myself.’ I started to consider what a person would experience when they met me for the first time. With this perspective of being an experience, I realized that I have the ability to try to be better than the laid back approach of just being myself.

This is a temporary practice that I’ve found helped with the first time I met someone. With time, the stress fades away and my personality takes over.

I know I’m not able to act naturally because there is apprehension and stress when I meet new people. I decided that I needed to take a new perspective on how I present myself.  It’s important to remember that communication is a two ways street; you aren’t just meeting someone else, they are also meeting you. 

For example, your motivation for fitness might be to boost your own health or it could be to look better naked. One perspective means you’re working out to feel impressive and the other means you’re working out to impress someone else And, in my opinion, neither are wrong. Like your physical ability and appearance, the experience that you offer is something you can improve and polish.

I want to stress that this mentality is nothing to do with lying about yourself or about who you are. Like a resume, I am suggesting to think about presenting yourself in the best way possible and seeing yourself from the perspective of your significant other is a good way to do that. 

In actuality this could mean  having answers prepared for the typical first date conversations like what’s your favourite music or favourite movie? What do you like to do in your free time? Knowing what you want to say and having reasons for your decisions is a great way to show you are an interesting person and that spending more time with you won’t be boring. 

This is a temporary practice that I’ve found helped with the first time I met someone. With time, the stress fades away and my personality takes over.

It takes effort to develop who you are or how people experience you but that effort is absolutely worth it. Sometimes that effort is best spent on doing something for yourself and achieving what you want to achieve. But if you are looking for more success when meeting new people or even growing current friendships, it will help to think about what their experience of you will be.