Dear Life – Sept 23 2015

Dear Ms. Lonely (from the September 16 edition):

I know exactly how you feel. I’d love to meet you!

Sincerely,

Mr. Never Cuddled Anyone

Dear: you’re just a business school for the elite and I can’t wait to be done with you.

I have some extra food to share if you need…A bag full of groceries if you let me know here.

Sincerely,

Eat, drink and then you can focus and study

Dear Different Strokes,

I like that you took the time to make your social media icons green.

Sincerely,

Colour scheme is important tyvm

Dear grocery stores,

Why is fancy cheese so expensive?

Sincerely,

I just want a sandwich with some flair

Dear Tim Hortons,

Has science come up with a way to create Ice Capps that don’t drain the coffee first? The chunk of ice that’s always left at the end is so frustrating. I just want liquid that blends perfectly with ice.

Sincerely,

How to flava ice?

Dear Life,

I can’t tell if Hotmail is still the dominant e-mailing platform or if Gmail has taken over.

Sincerely,

Conflicted and desperately trying to stay trendy

Dear Life,

I bought Assassin’s Creed I and II a year ago and I still haven’t touched it.

Sincerely,

I need money for food

Dear Life,

Is it really necessary to use fake hair to cover up a bald spot? Isn’t that discriminating against hair?

Sincerely,

I thought we’re supposed to be politically correct

Dear Salads,

I thought you were supposed to be vegetable-only.

Sincerely,

Get the strawberries a GPS

Dear Life,

When is it considered too early to start pre-ing for Hoco?

Sincerely,

Too late, already started

Dear Life,

When people in the stall next to me of a public washroom decide to talk on the phone as they take a shit, well it just makes things awkward for the rest of us.

Sincerely,

just stop

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