Batman is to Laurier as Joker is to … ?

Poison Ivy – Guelph
Given the strong female-to-male ratio on the campus, it makes more sense to assign the University of Guelph a villain such as Ivy. She also works as a parallel to the campus’ very strong and renowned agricultural department, something very few other schools (especially Laurier) understand. Like Guelph, this seductress is aesthetically pleasing and quite frequently lures in pedestrians based solely on her looks.

Bane (Brock)
Often seen as a school that anyone can get into if they can “walk and talk,” Brock University is not as big and dim-witted as it seems. Like Bane, there is a brain behind all that brawn, one that comes out when backed into a corner, or when discussing concurrent education or nursing.

Mr. Freeze (Queen’s)
Queen’s University has often been known for carrying themselves with a bit of arrogance. Their aura seems to emit a sense of no one else being better than they are. Now, that may be true in some or even most other schools, but with Queen’s, that always seems to be especially prevalent. Mr. Freeze then works perfectly as their representation: a self-imposed loner who can’t avoid the cold and believes that his exploits are more important than anyone around him. Have an ice day.

Catwoman (Waterloo)
Being situated in the same city as one another, WLU and UW have often been forced to work side-by-side in order to maintain a respected understanding, much like that of Batman and Catwoman. However, that relationship has often boiled over to produce some of the most heated battles seen across the rooftops of Gotham, so the Warriors fall perfectly into the “lover/fighter” role encapsulated by Ms. Selina Kyle.

Joker (Western)
Arguably, Western is Laurier’s greatest arch-nemesis in every aspect of school life – from academics to athletics to social life. UWO fits the “Joker” mould due to its wild and outrageous reputation as well as its uncanny ability to alienate every other school from being able to tolerate its fervent attitude towards, well, everything. No matter what university you are attending, everyone loves to hate Western and its erratic, repugnant personality.

The Penguin (Ottawa)
Uhh … they’re cold? They’re bilingual? Yeah, I got nothing.

The Riddler (U of T)
Known specifically for his unprecedented intelligence and rather meek physical imposition, the Riddler mimics the reputation of the University of Toronto pretty well. While they are known for bringing in some of the brightest minds around to challenge any other school, U of T’s presence on a more physical plain (i.e. the football field) does not come quite as close to most other institutions.

Harvey Dent/Two-Face (McMaster)
McMaster is a bit of a conundrum as far as reputation goes. Normally, they carry a fairly prestigious aura about them, with very few having anything bad to say. However, the Marauders will sometimes break out and perform deeds so villainous and sneaky (such as their shocking Vanier Cup win earlier this year), that the only reaction they force us to take is that of jealous rivals. Two faces: a respected, astute citizen, and a maligned power-monger who will run over whomever stands in their way.

Clayface (Ryerson)
Most well-known for its fine arts and theatre programs, Ryerson fits the Clayface mould perfectly (no pun intended). Originally an actor, Clayface is able to adapt his body into other beings around him and mimic their every move; a villain who represents both the dramatic and visual arts.

Ra’s al Ghul (McGill)
Despite not being located in Ontario, McGill is still one of Laurier’s most storied rivalries, mostly due to the numerous battles seen from our women’s hockey teams. The character of Ra’s fits the Quebec-situated university because of its notoriety as a very powerful and respected institution. The fact that it’s located in an outside jurisdiction from where Batman typically operates also works in its favour.

Deadshot (Carleton)
Arguably the most notable achievement from Carleton University is their sharp-shooting basketball team, whom our men’s and women’s squads often go head to head against. With Deadshot, an assassin known throughout the land for his deadly accuracy, the campus fits this villain profile.

Robin (Laurier Brantford)
The sidekick and companion to the Dark Knight, Robin works hard to attain the same prestige and respect that his mentor maintains. Eventually, he will take over for Bruce Wayne and a new era of heated rivalries will begin.

Note: There is no factual evidence to back up any of these ridiculous claims. This was meant as an article for entertainment and nothing more. For all intents and purposes, this was made for funzies.

Leave a Reply