You know what yanks my cord…

… smelly people on buses.

I mean, I thought everyone had this discussion in elementary school health class. When you sweat, you smell.

However, I have something to solve all your problems. There is this amazing solution on the market (I know you may not have heard of it) called deodorant. Also known as “letting the rest of us breathe.”

Culprits are usually holding at least one of the following objects: backpack, purse, iPod, travel mug or other assorted bus-traveling accessories.

The last time I did a market analysis of deodorant prices, even the most questionable, cheap scents do not come close to the cost of any of the aforementioned items.

Thus, please purchase one.

I am going to have a YouTube worthy freak-out if I have to keep standing beside somebody significantly taller than me who is holding onto the rail above me with their body odour drifting into my airway.

Today, I’m calling you out in a newspaper rant and saving you face by granting you anonymity. Tomorrow, I may not be so kind and will proceed to call you out in the middle of a crowded (and probably smelly) bus.

Please. I’ve plugged my nose and held my breath for far too long.

—Joseph McNinch-Pazzano

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