You don’t have to be sneaky to be a snake

Graphic by Simran Dhaliwal

There are some people who take their horoscopes incredibly seriously, believing their own star sign to be the end-all of believability and faithfulness to their entire being.

Others rely on the outcomes of Buzzfeed personality quizzes to validate the aspects of themselves they want to see or have guessed by a random selection of questions and answers about food.

Then there’s me. I have always treasured my Hogwarts house more intensely than I probably should.

I’ve been a dedicated fan of the Harry Potter series since I was nine years old.

Since then, it has been a developed necessity of mine to figure out which of the four houses I would belong in.

Slytherin was always the house that I resonated with the most.

I love all of the Hogwarts houses for their different, wonderful traits, but it always irrationally bothered me how poorly my preferred choice was portrayed.

These stories are told from the point of view of the least objective and most biased character. Harry’s hatred for Slytherin ran off (somewhat understandably) into the minds of many fans of the series as well.

Like what you want, that’s cool, but don’t you sit there and say that just because Voldemort was a Slytherin and Snape was a grade A douchebag who treated the students in his house like royalty, that somehow, every unfortunate soul who got sorted into it was also a manipulative, prejudiced asshole.

Whenever I would tell people that I felt like I was a Slytherin, they would argue with me.

I was told I was too nice, caring and sweet to possibly be lumped in with a bunch of dungeon dwelling conspirators who were only out to get the little man and there to run away like cowards at the first sign of true conflict.

This personally offends me. After I took the Pottermore sorting quiz more than three separate times and received my expected answer of Slytherin for each one, I’m happily convinced that’s where I would fictionally belong.

Let me tell anyone who has their doubts about this terribly underrated house that I wouldn’t be put there to take over the world and make it my mission to prey on the blood of the innocent.

For one, they have the best house colours that would suit me. Green goes well with my red hair and I like snakes.

They’re intimidating and cool as hell.

Perhaps my ambition lies in my ability to finish a whole pizza in one sitting or take three naps in one day. People tell me I can’t own seven dogs? Well, I’ll be here just to prove them wrong.

Secondly, Slytherins are defined as ambitious, cunning, achievement-oriented leaders.

These are all admirable things that I believe I possess.

Maybe my ambition doesn’t have to be getting Hagrid (bless his beautiful soul) sacked, simply for being a half-giant groundskeeper.

Perhaps my ambition lies in my ability to finish a whole pizza in one sitting or take three naps in one day.

People tell me I can’t own seven dogs? Well I’ll be here just to prove them wrong.

I’ve also seen Slytherin women labelled as “bitchy,” likely because of their acute shrewdness, so if that’s what I am then I’ll take that as a damn compliment.

I have ambition for my own greatness and I know what I want, which is why Slytherin is so perfect for me.

Regardless of what your Hogwarts house is, just like being an overlooked Hufflepuff (which is my second favourite, by the way), there is absolutely no shame in identifying with something that you feel reflects your best traits.

That’s one of the things I love most about Harry Potter, it gives you a place where you feel like you truly belong.

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