The innovations of Apple

I love Apple products. My iPhone is the perfect medium to share photos and surf social media, while my MacBook is great for editing videos, laying out my pages and perfecting my Spotify playlists. Even with all my love for these products, I still realize that they don’t always deliver.

The response to the iWatch was decent at best, and their iPad Mini 3 was an embarrassment of an upgrade. Even with these evident missteps, my infatuation for Apple’s established products has sustained.

Every year I eagerly anticipate the company’s fall product line announcement, which always includes a new iPhone. The most recent one just occurred last week on September 9.

In the days preceding the event, I scavenged through rumour and leak forums, looking for any shred of information about their next amazing creation.

When the day came, I got into my comfiest sweats, cracked a bag of chips and eagerly anticipated Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, walking across that stage. The camera panned a sea of dad-bod bloggers, their faces illuminated by the spotlight of their iPhone screens.

My excitement quickly turned to dismay.

Is this what I was destined to become? Some dude who wears ironic graphic-tees and somehow just always has a lanyard around his neck. Lanyard in the pool, lanyard on a date, lanyard in a coffin? Hell, I mean I like Apple, but their cultish following had me reconsidering my allegiance.

The event opened with Apple professing everyone’s love for their “revolutionary” iWatch. It takes a hell of an ego to open an event with outlandishly positive testimonials for a product that received a lukewarm response.

The event then turned to the “biggest news in iPad since iPad.”

“Okay Apple,” I thought. “My body is ready.”

And it just so happens that my body was way too ready. Apple announced its new “iPad Pro”, simply a bigger, faster iPad. It even had a “revolutionary” and “innovative” new keyboard attachment and even a stylus, aptly named “Pencil”. I was less than impressed given that this kind of tech has been around for years. I wanted something game-changing, but all we got was “FOUR SPEAKERS MAN,” “FOUR FUCKING SPEAKERS.”

All disappointment aside, I realize these new products aren’t made for my student lifestyle, but I do find it unsettling how many times Tim Cook can drop the words “revolutionary,” “innovative,” or “best” without a thunderous groan from the audience. It’s as if these bloggers have built an impervious tolerance to cheesy buzz-words. Seriously, try playing the “innovative” drinking game and you’ll be having your stomach pumped before the new iPhone’s even announced.

Oh that reminds me. Every single year, Tim Cook says “this is our best iPhone yet.”

I’m pretty sure that’s how tech works Mr. Cook. As time goes on, and research improves, products become faster, more powerful and yes — better.

And then there’s Jony Ive, the chief design officer at Apple. A brilliant man, with an incredible knack for designing elegant and eye-catching products. My only beef is the way he narrates every new iPhone’s video intro in the tritest and most pretentious tone. He paints his products as these paradigm-shifting figments of wonderment.

I wish Apple would realize that we’ve come to anticipate reasonable improvement. A better camera, processor or screen, but none of these make the iPhone anymore than a solid tool for productivity.

I love my Apple devices, I really do. But I think Apple could do with a little humility. Focusing on refinement never hurt, and would definitely allow them to connect closer with their customers, rather than coming off as some real-world reincarnation of Sky-Net. Even with all my transgressions, I can’t foresee myself not purchasing their products in the future.

Whether they keep stroking that ego or not, I’m still going to love this inanimate aluminum chassis that holds my life together.

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