The holidays are a time to show people you care

The act of sharing and giving is a favourite hobby of mine. The idea of making those who I care about feel loved and respected brings me more joy than getting a gift of my own.

Who doesn’t like seeing a smile on others faces knowing how happy and appreciative they are? That’s just the nurturing, giving personality of mine and it tends to swell up during holidays.

However, there is a dark secret that contradicts my actions of wanting to give back.

The Hallmark card-giving season is high as we pick out blank cards and write out sentimental words, wishing our friends and family a happy holiday and a great new year.

Each year, I sit down with my cards and write them out. The envelopes are sealed, I put them in a pile and plan when they will be distributed.

For those who have been my friend for the past seven years, I still have your holiday cards. That’s the secret. I am too nervous to hand them to my friends. They are currently piled in a box and tucked away under my bed, collecting dust.

This is hard for people to understand, after explaining that the best thing during the holidays is participating in the gift of giving.

How does one feel so bashful, shy and nervous to hand out a simple card, especially when they thrive on the feelings of making others happy?

As the cards are ready to make their debut and be opened, my hands become clammy and I start to sweat and get nervous.

Nope, back into the box they go.

Cards represent a more personal and sentimental side as they open up the page for you to write whatever you feel for the person you are giving the card to.

That being said, sometimes a little card can add a lot more intensity of sentiments towards the person who is receiving it.

It’s hard with my budget to get every single person I know a gift. A card is compact, easier but has more depth because of what I choose to put inside them.

Getting a gift would be easier because it has less sentimental value and no one has to think further, depending on what is purchased.

The gift of the card comes from the words that are chosen for the blank page. They can speak much louder than boxes wrapped in colourful paper.

In between stating the enjoyed friendships that I have with them, I’ll insert little inside jokes and doodles that only that specific person would understand.

Their name is drawn fancy, little songs are made up and the card space is filled with words and symbols that will only make them smile and laugh.

The simple fear that is associated with restraining myself from handing them out, is the fear of rejection. Why do I think that my friends would reject such a nice act?

I worry that it’s too much, that they don’t feel the same way, or worse, someone got left out and they will find out. Cue the clammy hands, irrational thinking and immediate urge to forget the whole card-making idea and tuck them away.

The worst feeling is when a card is received and the person is perceived to be fake or not genuine.

Alas, those who wear their hearts on their sleeves must constantly remind themselves that their kindness is real and that those words are meant to be expressed towards a specific person.

However,  that box is getting full. I can’t afford to buy anymore cards just to have them be hidden.

It’s time to face the fear and for once, fully enjoy the act of handing out what made me excited and motivated to write them in the first place. It’s just a card, nothing harmful or scary will come of it.

Friends, I am sorry for preventing you from getting what is rightfully yours.

Come find me, I have something I want to give.