My crush will not see me doing this

(Graphic by Jacob Lindgren)

(Graphic by Jacob Lindgren)

If you’re reading this right now, chances are, you’re between the ages 17 and 23. These may seem like just numbers, but they are the years of romantic opportunity. This may seem super corny or something you read in a Hallmark card but it is all true.

If you think about it, we are at that age where falling for someone is almost expected at some. Plus, here at Laurier, we are always surrounded by beautiful people. I can almost guarantee that you’ve spotted out a few attractive classmates in your lectures or tutorials.

I am all for being attracted to someone; it can be a pretty satisfying feeling, especially if it works out for the better. Knowing that someone likes you for just being you is pretty rewarding, no matter which way you slice it. However, there are times where guys and girls won’t totally be themselves around their crush because they are scared that they will scare them off.

This phenomenon goes all the way back to our elementary school days and those extremely awkward recess interactions. Apparently, times haven’t changed at all. There are things that we don’t do around our crushes because we wouldn’t want them thinking we’re some weirdo that can fit our entire fist in our mouth; even though it may be true. Everyone changes themselves in one way or another to please those that they find fairly attractive, but some of these are more common than most.

Talking about your past relationships
If you are attempting to start a new relationship with someone, the last thing you want to do is bring up past relationships. People usually avoid bringing up past romantic relationships because it steers away from the main goal of starting something new.

When you bring up any of your past relationships, you give the impression that you are not entirely over the last person you dated and your crush may not want to waste time going out with you until you are completely over your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. If you had a successful past relationship, it’s weird to brag about it to the person that you may potentially date next. And if your last breakup was a mess, it’s lame to sob about it to the person that you may potentially have a relationship with.

Questionable eating habits
If you and your crush are planning on leaving the bar for a little after-hours snack, odds are, your inner Tyrannosaurus Rex won’t be coming out to feast just yet. People do not like admitting or showing their totally strange eating habits to their crush until they are completely comfortable being around them. As much as you would like to devour an extra large, all dressed poutine or a fully loaded shwarma, you don’t want to do it in front of your crush.

Impromptu bodily functions
This may very well be the last thing you want to do in front of your crush. That’s right, I’m talking about passing gas, belching or even vomiting. These are some of the most embarrassing actions you could possibly do in front of the person you are trying to charm.

Passing gas by accident or throwing up from nervousness is not attractive and it will not guarantee a second date. There is absolutely no way to effectively recover from such bodily functions. People will refrain from exuding these embarrassing bodily functions at any costs. It’s a real game changer.

Revealing how often you creep their Facebook
This should just be the one written rule that everyone abides by.

Sure, you may have seen your crush around campus, at the bar or even at a house party, but your attraction is more than likely based on your constant lurking of them on Facebook. Your crush’s Facebook profile is like a gateway into their lives. Everything that you could ever want to know about them can be found on Facebook.

You can easily find out who they are best friends with, which clubs and bars they went to over the weekend and, the most crucial fact, whether they are dating someone. Even though you may know them backwards and forwards thanks to your extensive Facebook creeping skills, you will never admit that to them under any given circumstances.  Imagine someone knowing everything about you before you even meet them. It’s creepy and no one wants that.

Only talking about yourself when your crush is around
You know you’re awesome. Your friendsals  know that you are awesome. Having a wingman that is by your side to compliment you around your crush is always pretty awesome. Talking about how awesome you think you are around them isn’t so awesome.

People refrain from talking about their every achievement because it takes your eyes off the real prize — your crush. Instead of boasting and bragging about your aced exams, your good looks or maximum bench press, your focus should be on getting to know your crush as best you can.

Trust me, you do not want your crush to think that you are more into yourself than you are into them.

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