When I was younger, I was always embarrassed about writing. I never told people that I wrote, and God forbid if they did found out they and they asked to see it. Even now I get nervous over the idea of someone reading what I write. Which seems stupid, given the things Iโve had published.
Even now, thereโs only one person who gets to see my writing in its first draft, and thatโs my sister. But weโre so close I hardly count her as a person different from me.
Because of this, my conditions required for writing are short. I need to be alone. Alone, with no one to read over my shoulder. A blanket, in case I need to cocoon myself if things get too emotional, and absolute silence. The slightest thing can distract me and then Iโm in a million other places other than my writing.
But Iโm not this high-maintenance because Iโm a bad writer, without a care of how conceited I sound, Iโm actually fairly good at what I do.
A lot of this has to do with how much of myself I put into my writing. I treat a lot of my editorials like a diary page, where I can lay out all my concerns in a neat and concise manner.
Thereโs something extremely cathartic about perfecting your emotions.
Take in to account some of my personal stories. Iโve publicly discussed my struggles with having an eating disorder, Iโve talked about how much I loathe wearing bras. Iโll even have a poem in Blueprint that explores a personal subject.
Last year, when I was a News Editor, I found myself struggling at times with my stories. Not because they were cumbersome, but because I lacked an emotional attachment to some of the content. For me, writing is all about emotion. There isnโt a mountain in life I havenโt climbed without writing about it. Because most of my work is seated in deep emotions, I have a tendency to come off as an extremely sentimental person.
Thereโs a rule I follow for all of my writing, whether itโs thank-you cards or editorials:
โDonโt say in a letter what you can in an ear.โ
I find the best writing comes from the feelings you canโt articulate, or donโt feel comfortable saying out loud.
Even now, I have trouble talking about my eating disorder, but writing about it is actually the only easy aspect of it. This isnโt news. Putting difficult emotions into any form of artwork is a tried and true form of therapy.
Sentimentality in writing isnโt for everyone. But Iโve found my style and itโs extremely sappy. Which is great, because once youโve met me youโll realize that this isnโt who I am in conversation.
If you find yourself unable to articulate what youโve been bottling up inside, thatโs fine. An easy fix may be to pick up a pen and help yourself sort through the mess.
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