Dear life: September 26, 2012

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Dear Life is your opportunity to write a letter to your life, allowing you to vent your anger with life’s little frustrations in a completely public forum. All submissions to Dear Life are anonymous, should be no longer than 100 words and must be addressed to your life. Submissions can be sent to dearlife@thecord.ca no later than Monday at noon each week.

Dear John,
I see it all now that you’re gone. Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home… I should’ve known…
Sincerely,
Taylor Swift

Dear EIC,
Let’s fuck.
Sincerely,
Your squinty eyes make me have a boner

Dear Life,
I hate my ex-boyfriend(s). I don’t know how anyone could ever date them!
Sincerely,
I made that mistake once too…

Dear Life,
I think I was a baller in my last life.
Sincerely,
Swag Masta

Dear Life,
To the person who wrote us a novel about how their two cousins died and they are in a deep depression, thanks for ruining the only fun thing about Wednesdays.
Sincerely,
Dear Life is for laughs

Dear Life,
Raindrops on the window… There’s probably some grey clouds up above.
Sincerely,
Ella Ella Eh

Dear ‘bro’,
You know you look like a dumbass walking out of the gym smoking a cigarette. Your six pack won’t mean dick all when you’re getting a double lung transplant.
Sincerely,
Fat, but will probably live longer than you

Dear Life,
I don’t know why everyone is so fucking eager to get into class…but seriously you gotta let me get out of the fucking classroom first.
Sincerely,
Why did I even go to class today?

Dear life,
Life’s a hill…get the fuck over it.
Sincerely,
Words to live by

Dear Cord,
Does it bother you that after all your hard work and intellect that people only open you up to read Dear Life?
Sincerely,
This is what happens when the admission cut off is only 74 per cent

Dear Life,
Its funny how girls that were hot in high school grow out of their looks, and the average girls become sweeter with age.
Sincerely,
Seriously reconsidering who I took to my hs prom

Dear Life,
It’s bad when you can’t tell the difference between when a girl’s facebook album starts and end…because all the fucking photos look the same.
Sincerely,
You might be hot, but your life looks boring as shit.

Dear Life,
You have become ten times better since I’ve discovered hazelnut coffee creamer. Seriously.
Sincerely,
Addicted

Dear Life,
I miss writing for The Cord,
Sincerely,
Your favourite intern! (who is loving Brock)

Dear Life,
Yo bro. Why do haters have to hate so much?
Sincerely,
Come at me

Dear Life,
Werd.
Sincerely,
Bringing it back

Dear Life,
Rogers is a dirty, sneaky company! There’s all sorts of hidden fees you never hear about until you see your bill. For example, did you know you are charged $9 a year to be able to call 911? How about these so called “activation fees”? I’m sure Bell is probably just as bad but I know more about Rogers.
Sincerely,
Advertise the real price you will have to pay!

Dear Life,
So has anyone else noticed a sever lack of brightly-coloured windbreakers in the past 25 years?
Sincerely,
Another thing Sinbad had right

Dear Life,
If Laurier’s wifi connection involved IT putting their heads up their ass, maybe I could connect to the Internet.
Sincerely,
Get a butter knife and some oil.

Dear Life,
Hey whoever planned the construction on James Street, FUCK YOU.
Sincerely,
Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to build three tall buildings at once on a dead-end street?

Dear Life,
Why don’t people understand what Twitter is?
Sincerely,
The Internet has made people suck

Dear Life,
We currently live in a world where the Arizona Cardinals have more wins then the Packers, Patriots and Saints combined.
Sincerely,
God bless replacement refs!!

Dear Life,
Props to whoever quoted Reagan; that was the funniest thing in that whole paper. Also, business students, way to make the rest of us feel underdressed. People in sweatpants, stay classy!
Sincerely,
English major

Dear Life,
#FML, #getoverit, #YOLO, #justsayin’
Sincerely,
A douche

Dear Waterloo,
You’re going to regret not accepting me in the end.
Sincerely,
Very Happy to be at Laurier

Dear Life,

Tell the reporters and editors at the Cord to interview someone other than the same group of their friends who seem to be featured in every single article. There are how many thousand kids att his school and the same names keep showing up over and over. Journalism at its finest, Campus News Editor.

Sincerely,
Sick of you and your friends’ opinions. Show me some diversity

Leave a Reply