Dear Life: October 3, 2012

Dear Life is your opportunity to write a letter to your life, allowing you to vent your anger with life’s little frustrations in a completely public forum. All submissions to Dear Life are anonymous, should be no longer than 100 words and must be addressed to your life. Submissions can be sent to dearlife@thecord.ca no later than Monday at noon each week.

Dear Life,
Whenever I see Don Morgenson I can’t help but smile. What an inspiration he is to all young people. Morgy writes for The Cord, is a very funny professor who tells many stories and has to be about the youngest 80-something year old I have had the pleasure of meeting.
Sincerely,
There is hope for the human race

Dear Life,
I was just driving in my car and some freshman turd flashed his junk at me. I am forever scarred.
Sincerely,
His dick needs some enlargements…

Dear EIC,
Why you no notice me? You belong with me.
Sincerely,
LET ME LOVE YOU!!!!

Dear Life,
I find you lacking in sufficient space-time. Please expand accordingly to accommodate my raving appetites.
Sincerely,
Just can’t get enough

Dear Drunk Girl on the street,
In response to your question to the cop writing you a laundry list of fines, the reason he didn’t ”arrest” me is because A) I’m not slurring my words, B) I’m not drinking on the street, and C) if I were to provide identification, it would indeed be me and I am of age.
Sincerely,
Wishing some first years made better decisions

Dear Life,
I love nothing better than being in tutorial and realizing ”wow, this is absolutely pointless… and this TA knows nothing”
Sincerely,
Sorry man. But you suck

Dear every girl who is too lazy to actually do their hair,
Not only do you look like a fool with that massive bun on top of your head, but you’re blocking my view in lecture.
Sincerely,
I did not pay tuition to view your bird’s nest

Dear Life,
If I hear one more mother fucker saying ”bro” down the street like some badass, I’m pushing them in front of a car.
Sincerely,
No one wants to come at you, bro

Dear EIC,
You look bangin’ in the new CTV series.
Sincerely,
Your most dutiful (and desperate) admirer

Dear current Local/National Editor,
I miss our sexually inappropriate conversations and Tuesday night shenanigans. Lost of love and hugs.
Sincerely,
Wifey

Dear Life,
They say I don’t give a shit… but I do.
Sincerely,
The Honey Badger