Dear Life: November 7, 2012

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Dear Life is your opportunity to write a letter to your life, allowing you to vent your anger with life’s little frustrations in a completely public forum. All submissions to Dear Life are anonymous, should be no longer than 100 words and must be addressed to your life. Submissions can be sent to dearlife@thecord.ca no later than Monday at noon each week.

Dear Sex Drifter,
Next time you have sex on my couch, put the condom in the garbage. My cat already has enough chew toys.
Sincerely,
Your condom is only good for one pussy

Dear Uneducated Lovers,
It should not be a race to (the) finish.
Stop being that selfish hookup in the bedroom even if you doubt you’ll ever see them again.
Take the time to appreciate the body of who you’re with, because like Chinese food it, ain’t over till you both get your fortune.
Plus, you’ll also shed the bad rep.
What happens in the bedroom doesn’t stay in the bedroom.
Until next week, keep gliding.
Sincerely,
The Lubricant of Laurier

Dear Life,
Why does the new WLU Compliments have to be a WLUSU circle jerk?
Sincerely,
I don’t see how this is inclusive

Dear Editor-in-Chief,
The way you scratch your perfectly coiffed head as you walk through a busy crowd makes me have a boner.
Sincerely,
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours

Dear Girl,
Stop fucking around with the wrong guy and bitching about it. I tell you to your face that you are the reason your life is so fucked up. How about you grow up and confront those who you are protecting even though they are the catalyst of your problems.
Sincerely,
You know who you are

Dear Life,
I’m still hurt by that time this September when I was told I wasn’t Asian enough for the Asian Alliance.
Sincerely,
Half-Asian Problems

Dear Life,
I wonder what it’s like to not be in business and have exams every weekend or better yet, four in one week.
Sincerely,
Switching to Arts

Dear Life,
Why don’t any of the library cubicles have working lights? It’s hard to study in the dark.
Sincerely,
Calypso

Dear Life,
Why do I feel like I have to call ahead of time and make a reservation if I’m planning to study on campus?
Sincerely,
Guess I’ll go study in the parking lot then…

Dear Boys who play cards in the 2-4,
I understand this is a lounge but you should also understand it is a study space. Stop taking up study rooms for cards! You should also start using your indoor voices; most of us don’t care about your grades in elementary school.
Sincerely,
I want to write a paper not hear about your life

Dear Professor,
Screw you for telling me to drop out. I’m transferring to Comm Studies.
Sincerely,
I used to admire you

Dear WLUSU,
As much as I appreciate that you are an enthusiastic group of people and as a school we pride ourselves in that but your enthusiasm for the school as been turning into more of an enthusiasm for each other. The ”cliqueness” of WLUSU has been increasing throughout my years at the school as has become more frustrating yearly. The recent addition of WLU Compliments, which, though a good idea, has turned into nothing but members in or associated with WLUSU complimenting each other and excluding your student population as usual. If you really are a Union for the students, maybe you should stop being caught up in each other and notice the rest of the students at your school.
Sincerely,
The Excluded Majority

Dear Life
The other day my prof was talking about how even for products (like screws) you might buy the more expensive screws from the store because they are name brand that you trust. However, He ended with… sometimes you just need a good screw, so you just go down to the corner and get one. Couldn’t stop laughing!!
Sincerely,
It’s 8:30 in the morning and my mind is already in the gutter

Dear Life,
Why do people feel the need to scream irrelevant stories at one another during group meetings in the Solarium? You do realize there are about 30 other people in here that aren’t interested in hearing what you would do if you won the lottery …
Sincerely,
Inside voices please.

Dear fellow students in my first year classes,
I don’t know if you’re all first years, but I find it extremely rude that the minute the clock shows that class is over in 8 minutes 400 of you feel the need to pack up loudly, talk to your friends and leave while the prof is still teaching. I can’t hear anything and if I was the prof I would fail all of you
Sincerely,
Show some respect

Dear Life,
Dave. Dave. David.
Sincerely,
Are you listening Dave?

Dear Life,
Sinbad.
Sincerely,
Houseguest was the most under-appreciated film of the 20th century

Dear Life,
I find that when one first enters the scalding waters, of the hottub…
Sincerely,
You missed some good shanks

Dear Life,
Morph suits suck.
Sincerely,
Come on, we’re all thinking it.

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