Dear Life: March 21, 2012

Dear Life,
Please watch over our two feathery friends, the two geese who now call WLU home. How heartwarming it is to see that these beautiful creatures trust our community enough to nest, lay eggs and attempt to raise goslings. I LOVE how our students leave them be, maybe feed them or simply enjoy their company! It has come to my attention that WLU grounds staff actually spray the baby eggs so the fetus’ actually die within the shell, but the mother goose will continue to nest them, not understanding her little ones are already dead. Please, dear life and the powers that be, protect them and keep them safe! WLU: PLEASE stop this unnecessary murder!

Sincerely,
A fellow creature of the planet ♥

Dear Life,
Roommates.

Sincerely,
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dear Life,
No, I would not like to sign up for a BMO credit card as I’m walking through the Concourse.

Sincerely,
I have three dollars in my bank account.

Dear Life,
I find it funny that the Kony video guy got arrested after he created so many “activists” on social media.

Sincerely,
He really blew that one. AMIRIGHT?

Dear Life,
I don’t understand why people cannot appreciate the Bring It On sequels. They’re all brilliant in their own unique way.

Sincerely,
Quarterbacks get ass, up the ass

Dear Life,
There are potato bugs everywhere.

Sincerely,
I hate the crunchy sound they make when you kill them

Dear Life,
I wonder if Laurier graduates, parents and students DONATED a new rainforest to replace the one slashed and burned to print those awful purple “please help us” tags.

Sincerely,
You’ve already taken all of my money, don’t you dare call me

Dear Life,
I actually really enjoy sleeping alone.

Sincerely,
It’s too hot to cuddle

Dear Life,
I don’t usually stress eat, but when I do, it’s at Menchies.

Sincerely,
Damn those toppings

Dear Life,
I have to pee but there’s no bathroom around.

Sincerely,
I’m actually just really lazy

Dear Life,
I love school, this semester has been really great to me.

Sincerely,
I just took 12 prozacs

Dear Life,
Thank you for the nice weather, I’ve enjoyed watching the beautiful shirtless men play sports outside.

Sincerely,
Single and looking

Dear Life,
Please make The Cord more readily available to students on campus.

Sincerely,
Clearly my roommates have not read the metamucil submission as I can still hear their “digestive symphony”