Dear Life: July 22, 2009

Dear Life,
Since when is it okay to hit on strangers in the concourse when they’re trying to write an essay? Wait, since when is it okay to hit on strangers in the concourse ever?
Sincerely,
Not Interested

Dear Life,
Why can’t people just do their jobs and do them right the first time?
Sincerely,
Sick of Doing Other People’s Work

Dear Life,
Why must the operator tell me that I don’t need to dial “1” because the call is not long distance and to “please hang up and try again?” It is not my fault that sometimes 519 numbers are long distance and sometime they are not.
Sincerely,
Doesn’t Understand Long-Distance Calling

Dear Life,
Who breaks into a baby blue ’95 Buick Regal sitting in a student’s driveway? What the hell do they expect to find? Anybody who drives that shitty car is obviously broke. Can’t thieves at least have some common sense?
Sincerely,
Owns Nothing of Value

Dear Life,
It is not, in fact, appropriate to make every example I come across in philosophy legitimately insane and/or childish. While it is true that sentences about chips that give people “loose stool” are memorable, they actually force everything out of my brain except for the fact that a university-level example employed potty humour. Please desist the practice of using such examples immediately.
Sincerely,
Easily Distracted

Dear Life,
Why does my roommate leave the bong out everytime my parents come to visit? I don’t need my parents to think I am and alcoholic and a stoner.
Sincerely,
It’s Not Just a Flower Vase

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