Dear Life: Feb. 29, 2012

Dear Life,
So with reading week comes the chance to visit your old high schools and talk about your university experience through the welcome centre. Several days after calling my former high school, sending countless e-mails, I finally get a reply (three days past the deadline) saying that they are not interested, and no longer affiliate with university type fairs or promotions of any sort. The e-mail came from my moody insane former guidance councilor who is a Laurier graduate and was the one who recommended the school to me in the first place.

Sincerely,
So glad I’m out of high school and don’t have to see your crazy-feminist bitch-face.

Dear Life,
Why are my roommates so gassy?

Sincerely,
I can hear your farts from all the way upstairs easy on the metamucil

Dear Life,
So I hear the faculty members are considering going on strike. Let them do as they please as long as The Cord keeps running issues every Wednesday =)

Sincerely,
Not just bathroom reading material but actual entertainment
*Editor’s note: The Cord will keep publishing regardless of what happens in the WLU/WLUFA negotiations.

Dear Life,
I would use Dear Life to promote my personal Twitter but then I remembered I’m not a tool. If your Twitter was interesting, people would follow you, but it isn’t, so they don’t.

Sincerely,
@keepyour140charactersonthe-internet

Dear Laurier,
If you ever call me in the future to make a donation to this school I will happily hang up immediately. The cheap looking hockey scoreboard that hangs on the front of the Fred Nichols building to the pointless new and extremely expensive statue of Sir Wilfrid Laurier says enough.

Sincerely,
No sense nonsense.

Dear Life,
Great to see that some of the Top 40 Under 40 were younger than 37 — oh wait. Nevermind.

Sincerely,
Hoping to accomplish something noteworthy in the next 17 years

Dear Life,
Why can’t people just follow through? Don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t make up these bullshit excuses. You’re driving me insane! I have grey hair because of you. Grey hair! Please cut me some slack and let me get at least one night’s solid sleep without sending me a last minute message letting me down.

Sincerely,
Just want to breathe freely.

Dear Life,
I know this is delayed but thank-you to the blonde haired guy who saved my day last semester in the dining hall and bought my breakfast for me when I had no cash on me. You made my day!

Sincerely,
Karma isn’t always a bitch.