Dear Life: Dec. 4

Dear People With Internet Access,

Graphic by Adele Palmquist.

Before you go and tweet about how much research you’re doing and where you’re doing it; or make a Facebook status about how studying you have to do; or Instagram a photo of you surrounded by coffee cups and book, remember one thing. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK.

Sincerely, Really, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK

Dear Life,

Why does is matter if I walk on ”the hawk”? I pay for tuition, therefore I will walk wherever I please.

Sincerely, I don’t take school spirit that whole other level

Dear Life,

Don’t complain to me when your fellow lifers have abducted, appropriated, burglarized, carried off, cozened, despoiled, diverted, heisted, kidnapped, lifted, looted, made off with, misappropriated, pilfered, pillaged, pinched, pirated, plundered, poached, purloined, ripped off, snitched, spirited away, stripped, swindled, swiped, taken, walk off with, withdrawn, or otherwise removed the power cords that used to have MOST of the study carrels and computers in the library connected!

Sincerely, It’s un-electrifying…

Dear Dark Chocolate,

It’s the last week of classes, and I still haven’t been able to figure out if that girl you sit next to every week is your main squeeze or just your note taker… If so, I have some talents other than taking impeccable notes..

Sincerely, Sometimes I get sick of white chocolate

Dear Life,

Nothing pisses me off more than when 8 min before a class is even over and a prof is in mid sentence and half the class packs up and leaves. Fuck you people. He’s still teaching, sit the fuck down and wait.

Sincerely, Show some respect

Dear stupid girl that just cut the line for Tim Hortons,

There’s 20 people in line, get to the back, this aint high school.

Sincerely, I’ve been waiting 15 min

Dear Baseball Team,

I heard you won some awards at the banquet dinner the other night. What did you swallow this time?

Sincerely, Come get the Big Bambino next time

Dear Life,

The sun setting is not a good enough reason for you to play your crappy hiphop music outloud and sing.

Sincerely, Invest in a pair of earphones or improve the content of your playlist

Dear Life,

To ”the real university student”. I’m in arts and not only have I endured the pleasure of completing 9 culminating papers this month alone, but I joyously look forward to completing 5 exams this December. You really arn’t the only one that has a lot of work on their plate. And stop stereotyping our program, what are you, some know-it-all that thinks we’re all inferior?

Sincerely, Life isn’t fair, get over it you pretentious whiner

Dear BEAUTIFUL human,

Seeing how often you grace the gym with your presence has inspired me to get in shape.

Sincerely, I’m not sorry for staring and will continue to do it. #noshame

Dear Life,

I just wanted to shout out to the first year business TA’s. I am SO grateful for all of the help and support they have given us. Even when the going got touch, no matter which TA greeted me at the door to the office, they were kind, friendly and always helpful. I will miss them so much moving on as a senior student!

Sincerely, A Grateful BBA First Year

Dear Laurier Students,

Stop saying you hate WLUSU, it only means you hate yourself, you pay fees to be part of the Students Union.

Sincerely, Shut Up

Dear Life,

I love awkward moments in the Library elevators.

Sincerely, Going up?

Dear “a real university student”,

I am working toward an HBA in Biology and Environmental Studies.  I have two term projects, two lab assignments and three quizzes all do this week, not to mention my exams starting on the 8th, of which I have four.  My roommate, who is in Math and Business have one exam and no projects at all due.  You may think you’re better than the rest of us, but the truth is you’re insecure about yourself.  Maybe you should stop criticizing other areas of study and do your fucking work, it might just get done.

Sincerely, I work my ass off to get the awesome grades I do.  I am a REAL university student

Dear struggling students,

Your messages of stress and desperation are definitely something I can relate to! But don’t forget that there is life outside of this crazy stressful environment and you are worth much more than any grade that is assigned to you! School is overwhelming and it seems to take over your whole life, but please don’t forget that we are all in this together and many of us face extreme anxiety as well. You WILL get through it and you WILL be happy again. My advice is to go out and get some fresh air, take a look around and just breathe. Maybe call someone that is supportive or who makes you laugh. DON’T mindlessly troll the Internet. Sleep lots and eat well!! You can do it!! If not, it’s not the end of the world; you have potential outside of school!

Sincerely, Fellow student sending love

Dear BBA students upset at last week’s article regarding the integrity of the BBA program,

Do you really think the guy getting high four days a week and getting drunk the other three days of the week deserves to be a graduate of the so called ”best business school in Canada”? Well with the current system he is able to. With the option of dropping courses and taking them during the summer, repeating up to four courses, the extremely easy online quizzes (worth up to 30 per cent in some courses) and not to mention the consistent bell curves on all exams that are even remotely challenging. Open your eyes, the WLU administration wants money and is willing to sacrifice the quality of the program for it.

Sincerely, Supporter of the group of six

Dear chainsaw bouncer with the cross tat

I know you’re taken but I still love you!

Sincerely, Brown eyed girl

Dear Life,

I’m sorry I seriously hate you right now. I know we usually have a great relationship filled with rainbows and unicorns but I’m not appreciating all the punches you’ve been throwing me lately. Give me a break ok? Also, don’t worry I was just joking! I could never stay mad at you… talk to me in three weeks when exams are over.

Sincerely, Always Come Back for More

Dear Laurier Squirrels,

You are really fat. Like it’s sad that you can’t even manage to crawl into the garbage.

Sincerely, If I Can Catch You, You’re Too Fat

Dear life,

Every time I go to the gym I see grocery sticks with obvious signs of a sleeve monster attack. Twigs for arms exposed in a tank top standing with all the girls, trying to flex what little muscle you have. Easy buddy, you’ll break a blood vessel if you flex any harder. Maybe shave your chinstrap and stop being so cocky without reason and maybe then you can mozy on over to the bench press and power clean floor.

Sincerely, A rugby bro

Dear: A REAL university student.

Fuck off. I’m an arts student and I have 5 exams and I have class everyday. Go be a jerk somewhere else. We’re ALL stressing.

Sincerely, Another REAL university student

Dear girl who walked in 10 min late to linguistics,

You could have at least helped the poor guy clean up the mess you caused when you spilled his coffee.

Sincerely, What’s wrong with you?

Look for more Dear Life next week on thecord.ca.

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