Cord-o-scopes: March

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Pisces (Feb. 19 โ€“ March 20): Quit drinking like a fish and start studying like one.

Aries (March 21 โ€“ Apr. 19): Itโ€™s Oscars week! Treat yourself to a movie marathon and live your life dramatically.

Taurus (Apr. 20 โ€“ May 20): Quit the bull! Stop lying to the people you love and just say how you feel. You arenโ€™t saving anyoneโ€™s feelings.

Gemini (May 21 โ€“ June 20): Live by the wise words of Tracy Morgan this week: โ€œBe a good listener, a giver of gifts and work that va-jay-jayโ€ or simply โ€œLive every week like itโ€™s shark week.โ€

Cancer (June 21 โ€“ Jul. 22): Just do it. Just talk to the person youโ€™ve been crushing on and ask them out already. Iโ€™m sure theyโ€™re in a post-Valentineโ€™s Day slump as much as you are!

Leo (Jul. 23 โ€“ Aug. 22): Live up to your star sign and have a Leonardo DiCaprio movie marathon! Start with Wolf of Wall Street and work your way to Whatโ€™s Eating Gilbert Grape.

Virgo (Aug. 23 โ€“ Sept. 22): Watch Dallas Buyers Club. Just please. Please watch it. Bad things will happen to you this week if you decide against watching it.

Libra (Sept. 23 โ€“ Oct. 22): Balance is tough! Make sure you hold a plate of pasta in BOTH hands to balance your diet.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 โ€“ Nov. 21): Live up to your star sign and just KILL your midterms…too soon?

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 โ€“ Dec. 21): Oh lord, reading week sure is over, isnโ€™t it? Get to work! Or…you could extend it a few more days. The choice is yours young Sagittarius…

Capricorn (Dec. 22 โ€“ Jan. 19): Do a pub-crawl with some friends and donโ€™t forget to fight the killer robots on the way.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 โ€“ Feb. 18): Wait? Laurier has a pool? Thatโ€™s what my pool fee has been going to? Might as well go for a dip then!

Staff Writer Spencer Dunn drank the liquid in a Magic 8 Ball when he was a kid and now he believes he has supernatural powers.


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