When a bro’s mo’ won’t grow

Finally, the month we have all been waiting for has arrived. Thirty straight days where men grow their best mustache to raise awareness for prostate cancer. Thirty straight days for your razor to accumulate dust. Thirty straight days of women refusing to kiss you with that “thing” on your lip. Mustache-November, more famously known as Movember is finally here.

Wilfrid Laurier University’s AEPi fraternity has decided to participate in Movember for the first time this year, collectively agreeing to sport the stache. Michael Kates, a member of the frat, commented on the movement saying, “We wanted to spread awareness and the best way to do that is to standout. It really is just a humourous marketing campaign.” In being asked whether or not he will be able to grow a mustache, Kates answered “I can” confidently.

“It’s a fun change and for a good cause,” he added.

So while Michael Kates is enjoying the presence of his glorious mustache as he chops wood and catches fish with his bare hands, what about the rest of the fraternity? There is bound to be a few men who struggle in the mustache department, which begs the question: what happens when a bro’ can’t grow a mo’?

Well the first thing you do is make it the title of your article. After that, there isn’t much you can do; just ask AEPi member, Phillip Sigal. “I’m 19, a pretty big guy, and I still can’t grow a mustache. It’s a little intimidating,” he said with honesty.

Sigal expressed his concern stating, “It may look like a Dirty Sanchez [small, spaced-out strands of hair], but more importantly people might not know I’m participating in it.” Which raises a good point. The entire goal of Movember it to raise awareness through the visibility of facial hair. If the ‘Dirty Sanchez’ style isn’t even in your mustache repertoire, you may want to consider some other options. For instance, the draw-on mustache gives you the flexibility to venture off into what ever style you choose (the twirl-ends is recommended).

The men of AEPi frat may have the pressure from each other to keep the mustache on, but there is equal, if not more, pressure from the women to take it off. In Sigal’s words, “I’d say most men don’t make it through Movember because of the comments from the girls.” Yes, it may not be the most attractive feature on a man, but it still continues to be the pinnacle of masculinity. So does the size matter? Not necessarily, although here are some adjectives you don’t want a girl describing your mo’ with: tiny, cute, petite, non-existent.

Even if you can grow a fancy mo’, it really doesn’t matter whether you’re rocking the goatee or the handlebars, because in the eyes of a woman, the best mustache style is the no-mustache style. Unfortunately, this isn’t the 70s anymore and the mustache has transformed from a sex-symbol to that thing your weird uncle refuses to shave off. Women need to be thankful that they are living during the Movember era as opposed to the ‘Modecade’ era. This is not a game either. If you’re not a fan of the mustache, please do not let your leg hair grow out of spite. Please.

Keep in mind this is to raise awareness for prostate cancer. The related humour is just a bonus and in many ways an incentive for men to participate. Kates and the rest of the AEPi community have a long month ahead of them. As for Sigal and all those who have trouble growing a mustache, keep your head up and remember that you are doing a good thing for a good cause; just stay mo’tivated.

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