The Sauce


Now that you’re at university, you may
find that you’re overwhelmed with
choice and responsibility.

One of these choices is what to
drink at night, which may be especially
difficult now that you’re too old
for coolers. (Actually, you’ve probably
been too old to drink coolers for
a while now, but never mind.) If you
find yourself hard pressed for ideas,
here’s a different way to get smashed
for every day of the week.

Monday: James Ready 5.5

For a dollar a can, you can easily afford
James Ready. At first it might taste
like horse piss, but it’s not so bad that
you won’t want to stop drinking after
the first can.

Tuesday: Tequila

Concerned about midweek drinking?
It’s never a problem if you’re celebrating
something. Grab some tequila and
drink to the occasion. Go ahead – any
brand will do.

Wednesday: Boxes of wine

For about $35 you can get 4 litres of
wine – more than enough for a few
nights or a few people. Be sure to get
white unless purple teeth, lips and
tongue sound like fun.

Thursday: Old English

The guys in high school were on to
something. It may taste awful, but Old
English and other 40s of malt liquor
are dirt cheap. You’re going to end up
embarrassing yourself while drinking
anyway – wouldn’t you rather remember

Friday: Phil’s

Don your grossest shoes and head out
for a night of drinks – almost everything
is $2.25 before tip. Even if going
out is still more expensive than staying
in and drinking, at least you won’t
feel like you’re being robbed.

Saturday: Kings

Though not a drink, Kings may soon
be one of your closest friends on the
road to drunkenness. While using a
road metaphor in relation to drinking
may be in poor taste, it should be said
that Kings is really more of an express
highway to drunk than a mere road.

Sunday: Vodka water

As long as you have a tap, you still
have mix and one less excuse to stop
drinking. On the bright side, you won’t
even notice the aftertaste after a glass
or two.

Serving the Waterloo campus, The Cord seeks to provide students with relevant, up to date stories. We’re always interested in having more volunteer writers, photographers and graphic designers.