The Naughty Prude’s gift list

(Graphic by Steph Truong)

Let me guess, you have no idea what to get your partner for Christmas. This type of conundrum happens every year as you frantically rack your brain for the perfect, memorable, mind-blowing gift. Left to the last minute, you punish yourself knowing that your gift is going to be crap. While you are debating a gift card, chances are your partner already has the ideal gift for you. To avoid falling into this category, here are the underlying messages in these specific crappy gifts:

Socks: Ask yourself, “am I nurturing or am I cheap? I noticed that you do not have a pair of wool socks for the brisk Canadian winter? Or are these wool socks with the squirrels embroidered on them half price, and kinda cute?”

Mixed CD: The gift that keeps on giving. It says, “Your music sucks, start listening to mine!”

Gift card: Your partner will see through your lies when you innocently state “I thought I would let you pick out your own gift”

Anything automated that talks or sings by the press of a button: A dancing Christmas tree, a mountable Billy Bass, Santa playing piano, singing Justin Beiber, Tickle-me-Elmo. These are not cute and they are useless merchandise that encourages great annoyance.

Video games and sports memorabilia: This just facilitates an obsession that is not healthy. And matching sports jerseys for the majority are not cute.

Tim Horton’s mug and grind gift set: Sub-par gift. The cup is great until washing it becomes a hassle and the grinds are awesome until they spill all over the floor.

Coupon booklet: “Good for one hug”, “allotted one massage”, “Breakfast in Bed Coupon”. Firstly, don’t give coupons for loving that your partner should get in the first place. Secondly, your partner will most likely lose the booklet.

Enough of the negatives, let’s be positive. After all, Christmas is supposed to be the most joyous holiday. Christmas for couple’s relationships has a greater survival rate than Thanksgiving. The turkey dump is reserved for October only. Here are some great gift ideas that you can get your partner:

Anything Engraved: Though some may find this idea cheesy, engraved gifts are really thoughtful and personal.

Homemade Gifts: Homemade gifts are organic and one of a kind, also great for your budget.

Jewelry: This should be self-explanatory.

A planned weekend away: Emphasis on the word planned, because that is the only acceptable way to present a partner with a weekend getaway.

Life Editor Carly Basch’s pick: “A creative gift that is cryptic, that only your significant other will understand. Has he or she mentioned something long ago that they desired? Buying something they set their eye on, but most likely have forgotten about shows you care, and you listen.”

Naughty Prude’s pick: “A lifetime supply of Hot Lips.”

Christmas should not be stressful, it is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. Enjoy Christmas with your partner, and have a happy holiday!

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